Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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jezer
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jezer » 5 Aug 2020, 8:17am

I don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something.
Power to the pedals

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 6 Aug 2020, 5:39pm

I've just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap!

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 7 Aug 2020, 10:27am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
With apologies to sensitive Yorkshiremen obviously. :wink:

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 7 Aug 2020, 1:23pm

The Pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Donald and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"


Donald replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand…Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 7 Aug 2020, 4:29pm

Debs wrote:The Pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Donald and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"


Donald replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand…Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!


:lol:

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 8 Aug 2020, 2:46pm

I’m presently reading a fascinating book about anti-gravity. i just cant put it down!

Chris56
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Chris56 » 11 Aug 2020, 11:26am

Courtesy of Planet Rock yesterday:

What do you call a Magician who can't do magic tricks anymore?....


.......Ian!

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CyclingGuy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby CyclingGuy » 12 Aug 2020, 5:22pm

I went out for a ride today and some idiot threw a bottle of Omega-3 capsules at me......

Fortunately I only sustained super fish oil injuries.
Read about my adventures on the British Cycle Quest at: http://www.quest.nwarwick.co.uk

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 15 Aug 2020, 7:33pm

Image

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 17 Aug 2020, 3:19pm

Seems fair.

speeding.jpg

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 17 Aug 2020, 4:09pm

since I found a daily mail online app for my phone I have been reading a few of their stories. Some are really good entertainment take this one about North Korea

North Koreans are ordered to hand over 'decadent and bourgeois' pet dogs for 'restaurant meat' as the country is rocked by food shortages

Dictator Kim Jong-un announced in July that owning a pet is now against the law
Authorities are identifying homes with dogs in Pyongyang and rounding them up
Some of the dogs are sent to state-run zoos or sold to dog meat restaurants


warning some rather un appetising pictures
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8634831/North-Koreans-ordered-hand-pet-dogs-killed-meat-country-hit-food-shortages.html

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 17 Aug 2020, 4:13pm

One could hardly make it up, part 42

Just heard a plan for a dog law in Germany, dogkeepers are to be obliged to excersize their beasts twice a day for at least an hour in total
Whatabout lazy dogs?
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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 17 Aug 2020, 4:51pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:Whatabout lazy dogs?

In the human/canine relationship I'm a lot less worried about the dogs.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 17 Aug 2020, 5:29pm

Capture.JPG

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 17 Aug 2020, 5:53pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:One could hardly make it up, part 42

Just heard a plan for a dog law in Germany, dogkeepers are to be obliged to excersize their beasts twice a day for at least an hour in total
Whatabout lazy dogs?


Lazy dogs are invariably products of lazy owners.
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