Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 17 Aug 2020, 6:02pm

mercalia wrote:since I found a daily mail online app for my phone I have been reading a few of their stories. Some are really good entertainment take this one about North Korea

North Koreans are ordered to hand over 'decadent and bourgeois' pet dogs for 'restaurant meat' as the country is rocked by food shortages

Dictator Kim Jong-un announced in July that owning a pet is now against the law
Authorities are identifying homes with dogs in Pyongyang and rounding them up
Some of the dogs are sent to state-run zoos or sold to dog meat restaurants


warning some rather un appetising pictures
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8634831/North-Koreans-ordered-hand-pet-dogs-killed-meat-country-hit-food-shortages.html

Can't (won't) see the link as I have AdBlock and refuse to disable it.

As for eating dogs, I've never tried it.
I have eaten monkey though. :shock:

Me and Doggie went for a walk earlier today, and we'll be out later as well down to The Rising Sun Inn ...................

The plan is .......... and this is no joke ............. the owner is having a double-decker bus delivered at about now. :shock:
Narrow lanes, of course!
The bus is converted to a restaurant and it'll be set up at the rear of the pub.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.51881 ... 312!8i6656

It should be very entertaining how they're going to do this, so me and Doggie are off there soon to witness the fiasco! :D
Mick F. Cornwall

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 17 Aug 2020, 6:05pm

What, dining upstairs on a stranded bus? Cramped and impractical I think

Better book a dining experience on a real moving steam train, the Watercress Line springs to mind :wink:
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Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 17 Aug 2020, 6:05pm

Dominic Raab has been downgraded by algorithm to Dominic Rbbc.

Thanks to HIGNFY
John

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NUKe
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby NUKe » 17 Aug 2020, 7:49pm

A man goes into a pub each night buys 3 pints and drinks them all together this goes on for some months. Same thing each night.
Intrigue the bar man asks “you always come in buy 3 pints and drink Them all together why is that”
“The man says well I have 2 brothers But we we are Spread across the country and where ever we are we go to the pub at the same time Have a drink and think of each other”
The ritual continues for some time until one night the man comes in and only orders 2pints. Fearing the worst the bar asks “ are you alright, has something happened to one of your brothers?”
“No their fine”
“So why only 2 pints?”

“ Ah well I stopped drinking”
NUKe
_____________________________________

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 17 Aug 2020, 8:03pm

Mick F wrote:Me and Doggie went for a walk earlier today, and we'll be out later as well down to The Rising Sun Inn ...................

The plan is .......... and this is no joke ............. the owner is having a double-decker bus delivered at about now. :shock:
Narrow lanes, of course!
The bus is converted to a restaurant and it'll be set up at the rear of the pub.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.51881 ... 312!8i6656

It should be very entertaining how they're going to do this, so me and Doggie are off there soon to witness the fiasco! :D


I never asked, but I thought it was going to be red.
Arrived at 6ish this evening up at the railway station, and the barman (who has a PSV licence and is and ex-bus driver) drove it down the hill to the pub.

Plan is, to get it up the drive to the rear carpark, but they'll need to take a wall down to do it! :lol:
IMG_0051.jpg
Mick F. Cornwall

Chris56
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Chris56 » 17 Aug 2020, 8:47pm

Oldjohnw wrote:Dominic Raab has been downgraded by algorithm to Dominic Rbbc.

Thanks to HIGNFY


Now there has been a u-turn the band AC-DC have been upgraded to ABBA

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 18 Aug 2020, 12:31am

Chris56 wrote:
Oldjohnw wrote:Dominic Raab has been downgraded by algorithm to Dominic Rbbc.

Thanks to HIGNFY


Now there has been a u-turn the band AC-DC have been upgraded to ABBA

:D
John

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MikeTr
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby MikeTr » 18 Aug 2020, 5:38am

Why was the tomato red?













Because he saw the salad dressing
Cogito ergo sum

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 20 Aug 2020, 12:37pm

The inventor of the crossword puzzle lived nearby; three streets across and two down.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 20 Aug 2020, 4:10pm

The latest Bulletin from the Govt

Screen_Shot_2020-08-20_at_06.25.13.jpg

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 20 Aug 2020, 4:57pm

Prefab Sprout got there first:

Image

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 20 Aug 2020, 10:27pm

Way off topic here, but does anyone know how to print a poster with that type of border (as above)?
Cheers,
fausto.

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 20 Aug 2020, 10:34pm

border.png

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 21 Aug 2020, 8:02am

fausto copy wrote:Way off topic here, but does anyone know how to print a poster with that type of border (as above)?
Cheers,
fausto.


You can download the poster and write your own script.
John

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 21 Aug 2020, 10:17am

Where from John?