Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 21 Aug 2020, 1:25pm

Drag the picture onto your desktop.
I use a painting program to delete the existing writing then insert my own.

Just a quickie.
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Mick F. Cornwall

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fausto copy
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby fausto copy » 21 Aug 2020, 4:43pm

Thanks Mick, got it.

Back to the jokes folks. :)

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 21 Aug 2020, 8:20pm

Capture.JPG

kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 26 Aug 2020, 4:37pm

118362708_10157931724389833_7838942533846141963_o.jpg

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 26 Aug 2020, 6:49pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Very good indeed!
Mick F. Cornwall

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 31 Aug 2020, 10:22pm

Three pieces of string decide to go on a pub crawl only to find their kind is not welcome down town. After several failed attempts to get drinks they manage to get seated in the corner of a dingy, rough dive without anyone noticing.
“Right” says one of them “I’ve got a plan. I’m going to disguise myself and go and get a round”
With help from his mates he twists himself up and around in a sort of tangled loop so he’s bent out of shape and barely recognisable as the tall, slim fellow he once was. Just to be sure he unravels his tips, spreading his fibres this way and that so he looks just as scruffy as the rest of the patrons of the seedy joint.
“Brilliant” say his mates “ Let the evening begin!”
With a faux drunken swagger he lurches to the bar and, brimming with confidence, orders a round.
The barman hesitates, looks him up and down and, leaning forward with a mistrusting squint asks the killer question.
“Are you a piece of string?”
“No” the string replies “I’m afraid not”
Last edited by peetee on 1 Sep 2020, 11:15am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jimlews » 1 Sep 2020, 9:51am

Two peanuts were walking down the street; one was assaulted.

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 2 Sep 2020, 7:58am

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
John

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby CyclingGuy » 4 Sep 2020, 5:16pm

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed some mummified remain covered in chocolate in hazelnuts.

It's believed to be the earliest recorded finding of a Pharaoh Roche
Read about my adventures on the British Cycle Quest at: http://www.quest.nwarwick.co.uk

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 5 Sep 2020, 8:57am

20200905_085850.jpg

peetee
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby peetee » 5 Sep 2020, 9:52am

An elderly gentleman was arguing with shop staff over how far 2m distance was, complaining that it’s unreasonable to use that measure because the people most at risk think in feet and inches. The manager suggested he imagined a coffin lying on the floor.
“A safe distance is you at the foot end and the next person at the head end.” He said
“..And if you want to get any closer you might as well lie down and shut the lid”
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Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 9 Sep 2020, 3:38pm

I can’t believe how much chocolate bars costs nowadays...
i brought a Galaxy, a Milky Way and a Mars, the cost was astronomical!

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Sep 2020, 5:09pm

Capture.JPG

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 10 Sep 2020, 2:28pm

mercalia wrote:Capture.JPG


The seven dwarfs were told they could only meet in a group of six.

One of them isn't happy.
John

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 10 Sep 2020, 3:45pm

That reminds me about hearing that they were in bed feeling happy, then he got out so the all felt grumpy :oops: . MM