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Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 10:56am
by pete75
Have you heard about the Frenchman with a wheat allergy?
He could only count to seven.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 11:10am
by Swallow
Proof that a dog is a mans best friend.....
lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car and go back in an hour and see which is pleased to see you

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 11:33am
by gaz
Why did the Weeble go to the cash machine?












He wanted to check his balance.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 3:31pm
by Jeckyll_n_Snyde
Why don't flies have balls ?












Because they can't dance. :wink:

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 4:04pm
by jezer
I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 4:10pm
by freeflow
I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 4:27pm
by geocycle
freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 5:02pm
by TonyR
geocycle wrote:
freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?


Or cooking fat laced with Ecstasy? Rubbed into the mouth in what Yorkshire druggies refer to as "E by gum"

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 5:32pm
by jezer
When I was at school I was the teacher's pet. She kept me in a cage at the back of the classroom. Alright it's an old one, but then so am I :?

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 9:13pm
by TonyR
jezer wrote:I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:


I got Mrs R an eye pad. I still don't understand what I did wrong - she'd been dropping hints about wanting one for months.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 25 Jan 2015, 11:44pm
by al_yrpal
Heres food for thought…Meskel Square, Addis Abeba: http://youtu.be/UEIn8GJIg0E Watch the peds and cyclists!

And.. To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.

..and Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.

Jack and Jill,
Went up the hill,
To have some hanky panky,
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Franky.

One, two, three, four, five, once I caught a fish alive,
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
I'm barred from Deep Sea World again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
The structure of the wall was incorrect,
So he got three grand from Claims Direct.

Mary had a little lamb,
It had a touch of colic,
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now its alcoholic.
Al

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jan 2015, 7:26am
by Mick F
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her bare.

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jan 2015, 8:46am
by 661-Pete
Hmmm.... not all that funny and not all that clean. :roll:

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white and wispy.
One day, along came foot-and-mouth,
And now it's black and crispy....

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jan 2015, 9:28am
by TonyR
When Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
But when Macdonald had a farm
You should have seen his eyes!

Mary had a little lamb
The farmer shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And when the little lamb got out
The sheepdog tried to put it back again.

The old ones are the best.... IGMC

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Posted: 26 Jan 2015, 12:32pm
by tatanab
Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen floor.
The little dog laughed to see so much,
so the cat did a little bit more.