Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attending

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meic
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Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attending

Postby meic » 5 Sep 2011, 6:31pm

Two months ago I caught my wife (who didnt attend the groups rides) with a friend in the local group.
She has now left me and split up our family. My daughter and I have continued riding there as my ex-friend was away in France. Now he is back they have got together and she is now planning on starting to ride with the section with him, despite being married to me.

I dont know if she is doing it out of vindictiveness or is just totally uncaring about destroying the one bit of my life that she hadnt already destroyed.

Can I raise an objection to her joining considering the circumstances.
Yma o Hyd

Edwards
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby Edwards » 5 Sep 2011, 8:46pm

Meic I am sorry to read about your problems. I can not answer your question in any way and have no idea what you can do.
I hope things sort themselves out for you.
Keith Edwards
I do not care about spelling and grammar

Richard
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby Richard » 5 Sep 2011, 9:23pm

Meic,
I'm very sorry to hear of your difficulties.

Not being a member of the CTC I'm uncertain as to the rules governing rides but my guess is even if it were possible to raise a formal objection it would be very difficult to enforce unless the consensus of the other members of the group were in favour of them not attending. Maybe it would be possible to canvas the opinions of some of your riding colleagues to find out whether they could persuade them that it's not in the interests of the group for them to attend at present.
Perhaps your daughter could suggest to her mother that she would find her attendance upsetting? Even if your wife is not considerate of your feelings she may find it hard to go against her daughters wishes.

I sincerely hope this can be resolved for you.

Very best wishes
Richard.

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hubgearfreak
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby hubgearfreak » 5 Sep 2011, 9:37pm

Richard wrote:I sincerely hope this can be resolved for you.


me too

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phil1965
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby phil1965 » 5 Sep 2011, 9:53pm

ride next to them then push them off on a desent....

Vorpal
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby Vorpal » 5 Sep 2011, 10:51pm

meic,

That completely sucks. You have my sympathy.

The only thing I can suggest is to discuss it with some friends in the group that may have some sympathy about the situation? Perhaps if other people object, or just point out that the situation may be awkward for others, they'll think better of it.

If she is doing it out of vindictiveness, the best thing you can do is ignore them. If you don't react, she/they won't get any satisfaction out of it. She may even give up on the idea of riding with the section fairly quickly, if she's hoping to wind you up & it doesn't work.

I, too, hope that this can resolved for you.
“In some ways, it is easier to be a dissident, for then one is without responsibility.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

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meic
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby meic » 5 Sep 2011, 11:07pm

I am pleased to say that I was mistaken about this, somebody had used an old email address for me as well as my new one and then my computer had recognised it as her and put her name on the rides list as well as mine.

It certainly had me wound up for a while, I still cant believe the mug didnt smash when I threw it at the tiled floor.
Yma o Hyd

Vorpal
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby Vorpal » 6 Sep 2011, 9:30am

I'm glad to know that. Even about the mug. 8)
“In some ways, it is easier to be a dissident, for then one is without responsibility.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

thirdcrank
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby thirdcrank » 6 Sep 2011, 11:03am

meic

If I understand it correctly, although things have gone sour, at least you are not having your nose rubbed in it as you feared.

Best wishes for getting something sorted out of the wreckage. I don't suppose I'm alone in having missed your contribitions over the last few weeks and in hoping that you will soon be back in your usual form.

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gaz
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby gaz » 8 Sep 2011, 10:13am

meic

I too am sorry to hear of the situation. I am relieved to hear that her name seems to have reached the ride list in error.

There are procedures to stop people attending, an extract from the Guidelines for Group Leaders,
In the extreme event that individuals put the group at risk through their behaviour you should have access to a complaints procedure which includes a disciplinary code up to and including bans from participation. CTC has a model policy if required.


The obvious situation is where an individual's riding style would endanger a group but it's equally applicable to aggressive behavoiur, threatening language or any other matter that causes disharmony in the group.

A further extract,
We expect leaders and riders to conduct themselves ethically and with integrity. Our relationships and activities are based on trust and respect, cooperation and companionship. We work together in a way that is supportive, constructive and participative. We expect all to strive for continuing growth, learning and development of individuals, groups and communities".

Your ex-friend has abused your trust. For him to turn up with your wife on a club ride you are attending could hardly be considered ethical conduct.

I sincerely hope that you'll be left to enjoy your club riding in peace.
He's got Bette Davis knees.

AlanD
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby AlanD » 27 Sep 2011, 2:06pm

Meic, I'm so very sorry this has happened to you.
I don't think that there is anything I could say that will help, but I do know how awful this is.
Just take one day at a time, the pain will ease, eventually.

Regards, Alan

freeflow
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby freeflow » 27 Sep 2011, 4:40pm

No. This is a personal and not a ride issue. You have no right to inflict your personal issues on the group no matter how painful they are to you. Your 'ex-wife' may have a very similar position, e.g. why does he continue to ride when I have left him. If I were a ride leader and one or more of you were petitioning about the other I'd ask you both to leave if you couldn't put your problems behind you.

diapason0
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby diapason0 » 27 Sep 2011, 4:53pm

I have to disagree strongly with the previous post. There have been a number of 'personal' threads on this forum and it is very helpful for members to be able to post relatively anonymously and seek the advice of others who may have had similar experiences. Some fora have a 'private' area which is restricted to members who have made a certain number of posts. This enables a free exchange of views which is not accessible to the 'casual' reader of the forum. This may be a useful adjunct to this forum. However, I would be very unhappy if there were to be any censorship of posts on this board - other of course than the forum rules prescribe relating to offensive or abusive matters.
N

LANDSURFER74

Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby LANDSURFER74 » 27 Sep 2011, 4:55pm

I have been through this myself .. but from the otherside... move on stout yeoman move on.... you do stop crying i promise.
I met someone else and i am truely alive now!
My Julie.
I now have 2 families who love me and i them ...

Modern families!
Last edited by LANDSURFER74 on 27 Sep 2011, 4:57pm, edited 1 time in total.

freeflow
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Re: Can you raise an objection and prevent somebody attendin

Postby freeflow » 27 Sep 2011, 4:57pm

diapason0 wrote:I have to disagree strongly with the previous post. There have been a number of 'personal' threads on this forum and it is very helpful for members to be able to post relatively anonymously and seek the advice of others who may have had similar experiences. Some fora have a 'private' area which is restricted to members who have made a certain number of posts. This enables a free exchange of views which is not accessible to the 'casual' reader of the forum. This may be a useful adjunct to this forum. However, I would be very unhappy if there were to be any censorship of posts on this board - other of course than the forum rules prescribe relating to offensive or abusive matters.N


I think you are misreading the original or my post. No objections to anyone seeking advice on this forum for whatever topic. My response is perfectly valid in the context of the question asked and does not censure the use of this forum.