Any Carers here?

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Any Carers here?

Postby al_yrpal » 23 Oct 2019, 7:20pm

Over the last couple of years I have become a Carer. Down here in Devon there are multiple organisations aimed at supporting Carers but I have never taken advantages of the meet ups and sessions they offer. What little time I have managed to have time to myself it hasnt been when I have someone to stand in for me and I have used any time I have to get out on my bike and maintain my fitness.

Now my wife has gone into Care Home I have a bit more time to myself and have begun wondering whether I should join up and go to some sessions? Has anyone gone to Carer support sessions and meetups, did they work for you?

Touring on a bicycle is a great way to explore and appreciate the countryside and towns you pass through. What do you do to make a difference?

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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby ambodach » 7 Nov 2019, 7:13pm

I used to have a chat and a coffee with a Support Worker on a one to one basis. Sometimes just a phone call. Group sessions just did not work for me as apart from being a carer I had very little in common with others in the group. Mebbe I was just antisocial.

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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby millimole » 7 Nov 2019, 9:16pm

Leicestershire county council consider me a carer for my wife as she's disabled (receiving PIP etc).
I feel the need to look after her more than she feels the need for me to be with her (if that makes sense).
I look after some of her personal care, and make sure she doesn't do anything that will injure herself by doing.
I get invitations to carer groups, but they seem irrelevant to our situation, and aren't that local anyway.
I do get a small annual grant which I've put towards weekly Tai chi meetings which gives me a break, a bit of gentle exercise, and relaxation.

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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby bogmyrtle » 7 Nov 2019, 9:25pm

Caring can be intense and isolating.
When I was a carer I often felt that it would be good to get together with other people who were in a similar situation but the reality was it wasn't possible to get the time to do it, plus there were no local groups. I considered setting something up but lack of time didn't make it possible.
When my role inevitably came to an end I found it very hard to accept that there was nobody to care for. It was almost like a bereavement. There was definitly a need for social interaction of some sort at that point so I know where you are coming from.
There is no harm in trying a carers group but I would suggest you maybe look to get involved with things that take you in a direction that interests you and will give you a focus in the months and years to come.
All the best with whatever you do.
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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby pedals2slowly » 8 Nov 2019, 9:24pm

I am a full-time carer.
Fortunately we get a full care package from the local council and so I get carers in every week so I can go on club rides.
I did try a carers support group which turned out to be (as I suspected) a bunch of old ladies who were just happy sitting around drinking coffee and chatting so I didn't go again, even tough they invited me to join their choir.
There is also a carers 'lads' group who have meets about once a months, canal boat trip, motor car factory visit etc; but it clashes with my club ride.
So you may find there is a carers group that suits your desires.
Personally I prefer my 'cycletherapy' socialising and exercising with clubmates.
I did post on the local carers forum and ask if anyone else was interested in a cycle ride but got no response.

Try your local carers group, it might be enjoyable.
Try your local cycling clubs, you should be able to find a group that meets your needs.
Failing that start your own club/ride and invite others to join you
Nothing venture, nothing gained!

Best of luck, let us know how you get on.

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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby willcee » 12 Nov 2019, 7:09pm

been Caring for many years, that is 24/7. it gets trying and tiring, never saw much benefit in joining a group , live rurally in the sticks, not really a group guy, team player , a theme enduring through my career that is until [trouble] hit the fan or a saturday morning ended up a saturday evening then the ''team players were notably absent'' and I was the lone player.. enough.. so had carers allce to assist me until I reached the age and the state pension kicked in... carer allce suddenly disappeared ...they regard OAP which we paid and worked for while in harness as a 'benefit' and cannot be issued when one is more than the other.. reckoned cycling saved sanity , health and fitness, ended up using a hobby as an self benefit...will
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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby Halla » 14 Nov 2019, 6:06pm

Hello Al.

My wife and I had been carers for nearly 3 years, 22 months were with MIL in a care home. We joined the local Care for Carers Group which gave some benefits. The most useful bits of the local meetings were the information gained over a wide range of relevant subjects. There were people in our very small group who shared their experiences, which gave a feeling of not being alone as well as learning the benefits and pit falls of the situation.

The care home which MIL was in, was excellent (BUPA), we felt that they also cared for the residents families. We became involved in some of the activities in the home and attended meetings and informative discussions.

In the early days of our caring there were a lot of medical visits, Social Services involvement and call outs at all times of the day and night.

There was a feeling of denial about the condition of the loved one and lots of stress, stress, stress.

There is an empty feeling after the loved one has passed away and it is difficult to return to a more normal life.

I encourage you to get involved with a care organisation and also ride you bike and follow any other interests as much as you can. But do not under estimate the effect on yourself of the caring which you have been doing.

Best of luck and take good care of yourself as well as your wife.

Kind regards


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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby AlKalli » 14 Nov 2019, 8:52pm

We are Carers.
Not Foster Parents.
Not Carers in receipt of benefits.
Kinship Carers.
We have 4 children in care. 15, 10, 8, and 2 years old.
The 2 year old is respite care, 6 nights each month.

We receive no support, help, or finance, from Rotherham Social care ..... nothing !!!!

If we were foster parents we would be in receipt of over £1000 / month in care fees ..

Nothing ....

All Carers work from love at their first point of contact ... but I understand and feel for all others that provide care .. financed or not...
We are used and abused by the Care system .....
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Re: Any Carers here?

Postby al_yrpal » 14 Nov 2019, 10:40pm

Thanks to you all for your encouraging and kind comments. I have now been to one or two carers meetings but havent felt they have helped me not finding any kindred spirits amongst those present. Everyone wants to tell you their story and I find it depressing. So I have joined the U3A and attended some group meetings, history group, walking group and the local Ramblers.
I visit my wife in the Care Home 2 or 3 times a day but find it very stressful especially when I leave when she may cry. I often take her a g & t in the evening. Some days its just once when I do a long ride or walk.
After more than 2 years of Caring its very hard to try and resume a normal life. When you have been doing everything with your best friend alongside you as a couple for 54 years its very difficult to get back into things. Some people might welcome the freedom to do what you want any time you want but for me it leaves an empty void.
Anyway, off to Marakesh and the Atlas Mountains with my paintbox for a few days hoping that it sorts my head out a bit.

Best wishes to others in similar circumstances

Touring on a bicycle is a great way to explore and appreciate the countryside and towns you pass through. What do you do to make a difference?