Crime fighting cyclists?

[incidentman]

Just went to Boots/Waitrose to buy a lemon.

On the way there I saw two men running with some urgency down the street, towards me. Thought 'hmm'. Both men looked about the same age, similar clothing, they gave the impression that the one man was chasing the other. Heard one shout something, didn't really hear what it was.

Then got to Boots 100 yards or so up the road and there were two security guards outside. The first, a fat man with a red face, had collapsed about 10 yards outside and seemed to be holding his ankle. I asked him 'are you trying to catch that man?' He ignored me. 'Ignore me then', I said. So I asked the second 'what's going on'. He ignored me too.

So I went into the store. One of the staff had come outside to gawk.

Bought my lemons and then left. On the way home saw another security guard, this one a fat woman working for the shopping centre (the other two were Boots staff); the fat security guard was 100 yards down the road. I said 'Did you see where he went?' She ignored me so I repeated it, she then ummed and ahed a bit but then something come over her radio, so she spoke to that, so I left her to it.

Couldn't help thinking that if they are going to have any hope of catching these people then a bicycle would be more use than a fat bloke on foot.

Not really sure what happened, I guess shoplifting from Boots, but it's possible that the man being chased had robbed the man who was chasing him.

[johnb]

Would sound better using the term " overweight " seems less offensive.

[incidentman]

They were fat.

[wirral_cyclist]

They were fat.

ITYM 'big-boned'

[incidentman]

They were fat.

ITYM 'big-boned'

Their BMI exceeded healthy levels.

[Cunobelin]

You are actually mistaken about what was happening here.......

The reason they were in the same uniform is that it was a Corporate Exercise Event

They were jogging to increase their exercise and the one in the lead was a pacemaker!

[gilesjuk]

Roller skates would be better than a bike for chasing around town.

[gaz]

Bikes are banned in our local shoping centre, so the first security guard who jumped on one would have to be tackled to the ground by the other two.

What's really required to fight crime are some PCSO (Police Constable Shaped Objects).

[broadway]

For health & safety reasons PCSOs are not able to run, they can however radio for backup

[kwackers]

PCSO's cycle, see it all the time around here. In fact they seem to be the main protagonists when it comes to pavement cycling but I guess that's so they can catch others cycling on pavements.

(A bit like the police being able to speed in order to catch speeding motorists...)

[Si]

Well, I guess someone should stick up for them. Round here we have a number of PCSOs (of varying shapes and sizes) on bikes. And yes, they do ride on the pavements sometimes, although when I've seen them do this they've always done it with care and courtesy, often only doing it to get to properties (and not all the properties are pie shops). But, the thing is, that since they started these PCSO bike patrols around the local cycle paths, parks and my allotments site the amount of vandalism, thieving and antisocial behaviour has dropped dramatically. One major cycle path I use has become a much nicer place to ride whereas before it had a reputation for being bandit country. Alas, because of cuts in funding they seem to be scaling back the patrols now.

And despite the funny shapes and sizes that they come in (after all stab vests aren't the most flattering items of uniform) some of them can shift when required. I saw one chase down a kid on a moped off road the other year...didn't half give the lad a shock when a 'fat copper on a bike' caught him!

Although there are still one or two then grind along in the gutter risking pedal strike with ever turn of the cranks.

[thirdcrank]

I'm confused.

We started off with overweight security guards - presumably privately employed - and we've reached PCSO's. Afaik, PCSO's and others in similar police auxiliary roles have to undergo annual fitness tests. (The daughter of one of my wife's friends is a gaoler at a police station. She has annual fitness tests, even though she is in her fifties and older than most "older end" PC's.)

I'm also a bit lost as to the connection between the title and the OP.

[Si]

I'm confused.

We started off with overweight security guards - presumably privately employed - and we've reached PCSO's. Afaik, PCSO's and others in similar police auxiliary roles have to undergo annual fitness tests. (The daughter of one of my wife's friends is a gaoler at a police station. She has annual fitness tests, even though she is in her fifties and older than most "older end" PC's.)

I'm also a bit lost as to the connection between the title and the OP.

It was

What's really required to fight crime are some PCSO (Police Constable Shaped Objects).

that made the leap.

Although it should be said that shape and size is not always an ideal demonstration of fitness....

[Ayesha]

[Edwards]

Why were the two blokes criminals? Is it possible they were

Late for a meeting?
Late for a train or bus?
Getting to the bookies before the race started?
Heard about the sale in the pie shop?
Late for court and a driving ban?
Just messing about having a race?
Not acting their age?

I also thought the security guards needed to be a certain weight so that they could sit on people they needed to detain. Rather than having to beat them half to death.