New offence of causing consternation to be introduced

[horizon]

A new offence of "Causing consternation to a motorist" is to be introduced next year. It will cover several things that are currently themselves illegal (like cycling across a junction while a traffic light is on red, riding furiously, cycling on the pavement, riding without lights at night) but will introduce an additional offence. It will also cover acts committed while cycling that are not illegal at present (and will remain so) but cause distress and consternation to motorists. These include riding two abreast, wearing black clothing, appearing very fit, reaching the end of a traffic jam quicker than a car, not paying road tax and not being insured. The seriousness of the offence and the amount of a fine will depend on the level of distress caused to motorists. Although road tax and insurance will not be compulsory for cyclists, the new offence will, according to government sources, recognise the effects that this has on innocent drivers. The concept of the "crimeless victim" will therefore replace that of the "victimless crime".

The Minister for Transport said yesterday that

"Cyclists have had it all their own way for too long. This new offence redresses the balance between long suffering motorists from hard working families and free-loading cyclists (many of whom are from EU countries) who are not paying anything at present to keep fit. Much of the burden of our creaking infrastructure falls on motorists stuck in traffic: knowing that everyone else has to suffer will go some way to alleviating the misery of traffic jams and parking problems."

[Neilo]

[fluffybunnyuk]

congrats. Thats my nomination for post of the year!!!!

[irc]

+ Riding more than 18" from the kerb
Looking happy on the way to work

[byegad]

I'd like to add a few more offences to the list.

1. Being an arrogant so and so. To be known as the BMW law.
2. Unwarranted pollution. To be known as the 4x4 law.
3. Causing byegad's blood pressure to rise. To be known as the cretin law.

I foresee the last as a catch all for anyone who acts like an idiot.

Penalty for all the above to be compulsory crushing, of the car AND with owner inside.

[andrewk]

Additional offences:
1. Driving badly and stopping in the middle of the carriageway - The minicab law.
2. Driving very slowly and dawdling at junctions - The granny law.
3. Cutting up other drivers, blocking box junctions, straddling two lanes, swearing, shouting and threatening others - The white van law.

[Vorpal]

The most serious of these acts committed whilst cycling which can lead to consternation, but is not otherwise illegal is, NOT USING THE BLOODY PATH.

p.s. thank for the laugh, Horizon

[Neilo]

Also the Telepathy law, that we should get out of the way cos they are in a hurry to get the kids to school or the slept in etc or just to get to the next red light.

[Ayesha]

Late, or early ?

[reohn2]

Additional offences:
1. Driving badly and stopping in the middle of the carriageway - The minicab law.
2. Driving very slowly and dawdling at junctions - The granny law.
3. Cutting up other drivers, blocking box junctions, straddling two lanes, swearing, shouting and threatening others - The white van law.

The granny law should be replaced by the 'patience law' as some day younger people will be old and their reactions may not be quite as quick as they were,so the young must be taught to respect that!

[cjchambers]

Lock me up now! And throw away the key.

[Phil Fouracre]

Horizon - great, love it

Byegad - sorry, Audi now top of my list, followed by BMW

[661-Pete]

To the list of cyclists' crimes, I'd like to add "living to the age of sixty without having had a heart attack or stroke". The arrogance of the breed!

[snibgo]

Excellent. You might add "Being smug".

[Ayesha]

When passing a motorist leaning over the engine of his car with the bonnet up, it is a criminal offence for the cyclist to shout "*****" at the top of his voice.