Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[NATURAL ANKLING]

Hi,
My old dad used to say look a Rolls Canardly........... Rolls down the hill and canardly get up the other side

[661-Pete]

'I am not small, my pet reptile' Tiny' is much smaller than me' bleated Cyril
'Tiny?'
'Yes, he is my newt!'

That would have worked better if you'd said "amphibian"

[661-Pete]

Hi,
My old dad used to say look a Rolls Canardly........... Rolls down the hill and canardly get up the other side

Looks like we're getting into the multitude of 'car makes' jokes:

Fast Only Rolling Downhill
The One You Ought To Avoid
Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious

[jezer]

I’m really pleased with my new bike mirror. Since fitting it I haven’t looked back

[mercalia]

Huge Bear Surprises Crew on EcoBubble Photo Shoot in BC.gif (2.65 MiB) Viewed 1634 times

[Cyril Haearn]

That is terrifying, could not bear to watch to the end, never seen such a big creature
..
Graffiti in the toilets at the Kings Head in Knighton:

'Pee hard lads, it's a long way to the Red Bull!'
..
Not sure whether either etablissement is run by weatherspoons

[Cyril Haearn]

Went to an Orchestra-mob, 400 musicians played 'We hate Sheffield Wednesday' by Sir Edward Elgar
399 actually to start, Amanda (one of the 44 second violins) arrived at few minutes late

'You are obliged to stand a round', quipp€d the conductor

[Cyril Haearn]

Cottonworths, a cheap department store, had a lot of trouble with wastage, shoplifting, people nicked stuff and scarpered pdq

'How should I record the losses in the accouhts, manager?' bleated the bookkeeper
'Running costs, I guess', answered that worthy

[Audax67]

Graffiti in the toilets at the Kings Head in Knighton:

'Pee hard lads, it's a long way to the Red Bull!'
..
Not sure whether either etablissement is run by weatherspoons

Edinburgh University Union bog had "Flush twice, it's a long way to the kitchens".

The haggis was always excellent, though.

[Cyril Haearn]

Got talking to another passenger while waiting for my plane to Rio
'I understand the planes are very clean, one could eat one's meal off the floor', I said
'Indeed', she bleated, 'one often trips over discarded chicken drumsticks and lumps of cold rice'

[Cyril Haearn]

I wish I could truthfully say that my former dentist was named Dr Paine.

Not quite - sadly - but close .

Is his first name Dennis? That is a common name for tooth-doctors
A medical person practising near me is named Doctor Student

[Cyril Haearn]

Hi,
How can you tell someone's a Vegan?

They'll Tell You!

How can one tell someone is a cyclist? She tells one!

[mercalia]

very apt for the title of this thread?

Belle Delphine, the social media star and so-called “gamer girl”, made headlines this week for selling her used bath water online

well she was presumably clean after it?

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... GTUK_email

[Mike Sales]

Graffito on a urinal in Powys,

"Do your best, England needs Welsh water."

[Cyril Haearn]

A catholic priest asked a colleague: 'do you think we shall live to see the end of celibacy for priests?'
- "No, but I think it may be ended in our children's lifetime"
..
Two five-year old girls were discussing the news
"I hear the pope wants to fight against the sale of contraceptive pills!"
"Who is the pope?"