Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Mike Sales]

How many grammar Nazi's does it take to change a light bulb?

Too.

Surely you mean spelling and punctuation Nazis?

[661-Pete]

How many grammar Nazi's does it take to change a light bulb?

Too.

Surely you mean spelling and punctuation Nazis?

They must have been collaborating with the greengrocer's.

Note: even foreign-origin words, when pluralised, don't need to be adorned with an apostrophe. So sayeth Fowler...

[mercalia]

Ding a ling a Ling
Who's there?
Boris!

[mercalia]

Not a joke but a funny story.

A young girl had her phone confiscated so she used the smart fridge instead

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... GTUK_email

[Spinners]

Cool.

[661-Pete]

Was it because her account was frozen?

[Pastychomper]

Given what little I know of Twitter, I can understand her being bored all summer if that's what she was doing.

Reminds me of another oldish joke:

@supermarket: Hello, Valued Customer. Your fridge contacted us to order another sirloin stake, but your bank changed the order to minced pork. It will be delivered tomorrow.

[Debs]

[mercalia]

ah the undertaker acts 2 make people speak proper

The comma touch: Jacob Rees-Mogg's aides send language rules to staff

Not only that, but he's forcing everyone to use imperial units.

Has the guy no scruples*?

*or grains - or drams - or pennyweights - or rods, poles and perches?

well it seems he is right to bother?
Letter from Africa: The power of an apostrophe

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-49276228

[pete75]

Alex Kealy: When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired.

[Cyril Haearn]

Got stopt by the cops, my lights were not wrkng properly
Went straight to the LBS
- I should like a dnamo fr my bke!-
The LBS person scrutinised my machine
- That would be a fair swap-, she bleated

[Cyril Haearn]

Sergeant Constable stopped a driver for a routine document check
'According to your licence, madam, you should be wearing glasses'
'I have contacts! ', she bleated
'I dinnae care who you know, I shall issue a ticket' growled the officer

[Mike Sales]

One night, stopped at a junction waiting for a police car to pass.
"Get some lights" he shouted.
"Its a dynamo."
Well get it fixed then."
True story.

[mercalia]

Go old man, go

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/ ... GTUK_email

Have mobility Scooter Will Travel


Durham told TVNZ he thought the police car was an ice cream van trying to sell him an ice cream – which he didn’t want.

hmm maybe a Jam Sandwich?

[kwackers]

One night, stopped at a junction waiting for a police car to pass.
"Get some lights" he shouted.
"Its a dynamo."
Well get it fixed then."
True story.

No standlights?

I never turn my dynamo lights off.
Last winter I'd be cycling through town and suddenly realised they were turned off. Used to happen randomly for no reason, I was beginning to think the switch was dodgy or a cable or something was 'brushing' it.

Then one morning I'm putting my bike in the basement at work and another cyclist said - oh you've left your lights on again, I normally turn them off for you.