Mick F wrote:What do you give an elephant for diarrhoea?
A wide berth?
Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
A wide berth?
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
An invitation to an episode of Blue Peter?
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
I'm off the France tomorrow for the annual flicking a ruler on the edge of a desk contest.
It's held annually in the dor doing.
It's held annually in the dor doing.
Supporter of the A10 corridor cycling campaign serving Royston to Cambridge http://a10corridorcycle.com. Never knew gardening secateurs were an essential part of the on bike tool kit until I took up campaigning.....
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fausto copy
- Posts: 2809
- Joined: 14 Dec 2008, 6:51pm
- Location: Pembrokeshire
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
.......... and I'm still giggling about it. Hour later! 
Mick F. Cornwall
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
Mick F wrote:What do you give an elephant for diarrhoea?
A walk about the allotment then some more of those laxative buns. Better than a muck spreader!
Cugel
“Practical men who believe themselves to be quite exempt from any intellectual influence are usually the slaves of some defunct economist”.
John Maynard Keynes
John Maynard Keynes
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Cyril Haearn
- Posts: 15215
- Joined: 30 Nov 2013, 11:26am
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
- Dear wife, what do you like best about me? My muscular body? My deep intellect?
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- Your wacky humour, I think!, she bleated
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- Your wacky humour, I think!, she bleated
Entertainer, juvenile, curmudgeon, PoB, 30120
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to leave, so they all had to leave.
The Englishman wanted to leave, so they all had to leave.
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philvantwo
- Posts: 1730
- Joined: 8 Dec 2012, 6:08pm
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
A bar? Was Mick F in there with his hound?
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Mike_Ayling
- Posts: 385
- Joined: 25 Sep 2017, 3:02am
- Location: Melbourne Australia
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
This notice can now be found in many French churches:
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu. Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui. Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS enconduisant.
Translation
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him. If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
En entrant dans cette église, il est possible que vous entendiez l'appel de Dieu. Par contre, il n’est pas susceptible de vous contacter par téléphone.
Merci d'avoir éteint votre téléphone.
Si vous souhaitez parler à Dieu, entrez, choisissez un endroit tranquille et parle lui. Si vous souhaitez le voir, envoyez-lui un SMS enconduisant.
Translation
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him. If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
Absolutely true, this one: a solid gold toilet has been stolen at Blenheim Palace:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-o ... e-49700620
Police are investigating at the scene but have nothing to go on..... (*groan*)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-o ... e-49700620
Police are investigating at the scene but have nothing to go on..... (*groan*)
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
Making a toilet out of solid gold, that really takes the pee!
Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently
Debs wrote:Making a toilet out of solid gold, that really takes the pee!
I know, it's so crass.
I had my gold loos inlaid with silver and precious stones, they look much more sophisticated.