Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 6 Jan 2020, 10:45pm

Tinpotflowers wrote:Advert in newspaper.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Jan 2020, 8:47am

mercalia wrote:
661-Pete wrote:
pete75 wrote:29062782_1033418023474727_4751327177725706240_n.jpg
Excellent. Hope non-French speakers aren't too frustrated. "Je m'en fous" means "I don't give a ****"


seems like the rude word software not multi lingual? :lol:
Possibly not. I felt tempted to test it out with the celebrated insult which former French footballer Nicolas Anelka was reported to have launched at his manager during Euro 2012. But I decided, perhaps not: don't want to offend francophone ears on this forum! The alleged words (bowdlerised), which went viral, were va te faire *******, sale fils de ****!
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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 7 Jan 2020, 9:22am

661-Pete wrote:Possibly not. I felt tempted to test it out with the celebrated insult which former French footballer Nicolas Anelka was reported to have launched at his manager during Euro 2012. But I decided, perhaps not: don't want to offend francophone ears on this forum! The alleged words (bowdlerised), which went viral, were va te faire *******, sale fils de ****!

You don't have to publicly post, simply start a new post, enter your words and preview the result - when you know what the censorship does then you can simply cancel.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Jan 2020, 10:15am

kwackers wrote:You don't have to publicly post, simply start a new post, enter your words and preview the result
I did!
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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 7 Jan 2020, 10:24am

661-Pete wrote:
kwackers wrote:You don't have to publicly post, simply start a new post, enter your words and preview the result
I did!

Apologies, I read your post as you not knowing whether it would convert or not.

pete75
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 7 Jan 2020, 10:30am

mercalia wrote:
661-Pete wrote:
pete75 wrote:29062782_1033418023474727_4751327177725706240_n.jpg
Excellent. Hope non-French speakers aren't too frustrated. "Je m'en fous" means "I don't give a ****"


seems like the rude word software not multi lingual? :lol:


It's embedded in a picture. The rude word software will only pick up text. Eg rude word typed [rude word removed] Same word in an image [image removed by moderator]

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 7 Jan 2020, 2:11pm

pete75 wrote:It's embedded in a picture. The rude word software will only pick up text. Eg rude word typed [rude word removed] Same word in an image [image removed by moderator]
Indeed! Brings back memories! The grossly offensive words directed at Yours Truly, back in 2011, from Another Place, were indeed embedded in a picture - although I suspect that the real reason was to avoid search bots picking them up. There is - or at least was - no swear-word filter on the aforesaid Other Place, and the moderation was somewhat ineffectual.

Unlike this place. :D
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Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Jan 2020, 10:42am

not a joke but the answer is funny but true.

you used to be able to tell sane from mad people in the high street, as the mad ones would rant in public. Now it seems since the smart phone it is getting harder as many walk around talking into their phone.

so the question is how do you tell a sane phone user now from the afore mentioned mad people?

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 9 Jan 2020, 11:25am

mercalia wrote:so the question is how do you tell a sane phone user now from the afore mentioned mad people?
I don't know, but maybe there's an answer to that - at least in Brighton - for those crossing a road. There are loads of signs like this one, embedded in the pavements at busy junctions:
Image
So perhaps all phone users in the street are deemed to be mad - according to B&H.....
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 9 Jan 2020, 11:47am

mercalia wrote:not a joke but the answer is funny but true.

you used to be able to tell sane from mad people in the high street, as the mad ones would rant in public. Now it seems since the smart phone it is getting harder as many walk around talking into their phone.

so the question is how do you tell a sane phone user now from the afore mentioned mad people?



well the smart phone users are usually having a conversation so stop now and then to listen, but the mad people just rant and rant without pause. Though was in my local lidls and there was this guy just inside where the trollys are kept ranting and ranting into his phone, no pause no nothing. So maybe he thinks the phone will mean he dont get seen as a nut job, but really was?

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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 9 Jan 2020, 8:34pm

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mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 16 Jan 2020, 11:04am

all sorts.JPG
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kwackers
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kwackers » 16 Jan 2020, 11:29am

mercalia wrote:
mercalia wrote:not a joke but the answer is funny but true.

you used to be able to tell sane from mad people in the high street, as the mad ones would rant in public. Now it seems since the smart phone it is getting harder as many walk around talking into their phone.

so the question is how do you tell a sane phone user now from the afore mentioned mad people?



well the smart phone users are usually having a conversation so stop now and then to listen, but the mad people just rant and rant without pause. Though was in my local lidls and there was this guy just inside where the trollys are kept ranting and ranting into his phone, no pause no nothing. So maybe he thinks the phone will mean he dont get seen as a nut job, but really was?

You've replied to yourself. Deliberate or did you forget to switch to your alternate persona? ;)

Worse thing these days is most folk use their phones hands free so if you're not careful you can think they're talking to you - especially if they're unthinkingly staring in your general direction.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 16 Jan 2020, 11:35am

kwackers wrote:
mercalia wrote:
mercalia wrote:not a joke but the answer is funny but true.

you used to be able to tell sane from mad people in the high street, as the mad ones would rant in public. Now it seems since the smart phone it is getting harder as many walk around talking into their phone.

so the question is how do you tell a sane phone user now from the afore mentioned mad people?



well the smart phone users are usually having a conversation so stop now and then to listen, but the mad people just rant and rant without pause. Though was in my local lidls and there was this guy just inside where the trollys are kept ranting and ranting into his phone, no pause no nothing. So maybe he thinks the phone will mean he dont get seen as a nut job, but really was?

You've replied to yourself. Deliberate or did you forget to switch to your alternate persona? ;)

Worse thing these days is most folk use their phones hands free so if you're not careful you can think they're talking to you - especially if they're unthinkingly staring in your general direction.


was deliberate a way to add the addition and make it all current.


yes that has happened to me , makes you feel a walley when you realise they aint

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 16 Jan 2020, 11:42am

kwackers wrote:Worse thing these days is most folk use their phones hands free so if you're not careful you can think they're talking to you - especially if they're unthinkingly staring in your general direction.
Or else:
Traveling down the interstate & needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously... "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).