What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

[mattheus]

very good jelly.
Merry Christmas!

[Cowsham]

[Cyril Haearn]

'My son swore in front of his grandparents. I was blamed. It made my Christmas'
(A child brought up in France managed to swear in English)

More Grauniad clickbait today

[Mick F]

Down at The Rising Sun earlier.
Christmas raffle draw.

We won a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, and a 2020 diary.
Didn't make us laugh, but it's brought a smile to our faces!

[peetee]

A radio advertisment for a holiday company that goes out of its way to get everything right. They say "We cross the Tees and dot the eyes".
Well if they do cross the Tees I hope it's upstream because the bit by the coast is pretty grotty.

[Cyril Haearn]

The Grauniad reports that Wolverhampton applied to be 'town of the year'

It is a city actually, so not eligible
One of the worthies involved was born and educated in Wolverhampton (it was a town back then) but lived in "leafy Shropshire"

(I like Wolverhampton, seems an honest hardworking place with a great accent and good train services)

[Vorpal]

'My son swore in front of his grandparents. I was blamed. It made my Christmas'

My father used to like to tell a story about what made him modify his language.

When I was a toddler (2 years old?) I was being bothered by some houseflies, and apparently told my grandmother 'God damn these ****ing flies'

[Cyril Haearn]

'My son swore in front of his grandparents. I was blamed. It made my Christmas'

My father used to like to tell a story about what made him modify his language.

When I was a toddler (2 years old?) I was being bothered by some houseflies, and apparently told my grandmother 'God damn these ****ing flies'

The Grauniad reported that the lad snorted "*@#€&%g computer!" when his toy broke

[mattheus]

The Grauniad reported that the lad snorted "*@#€&%g computer!" when his toy broke

That's quite a bad typo, even by Grauniad standards.

[mattheus]

Twitter says:
I'm seeing a lot of #Megxit but no #Harryverderci

[Mike Sales]

A line in a genuine cosmetic surgery advert.

"I can't stop smiling since my rhinoplasty."

Presumably it went badly wrong!

[Cyril Haearn]

Clickbait juxtaposition in the Grauniad

Former Pope Benedict opposes relaxation of celibacy rules
..
Galapagos Turtle saves his species with prolific sex drive

[Mick F]

Twitter says:
I'm seeing a lot of #Megxit but no #Harryverderci

Very clever!

[rmurphy195]

Trying to book an appt online at my GP, can't get in till Friday (today is Tuesday).

Walked down to book an earlier appt - only taking bookings for 2 weeks away! But I can take my chances at 8:30 or 1pm on the phone tomorrow, or pop down to the walk-in clinic, for which I am advised to ring first to make sure its on (by the time I ring and check, then walk down, all the walk-in slots will be gone!)
So I came back and booked an appt online for Friday!

Where's the laff? - this is something else where I am forced to obtain stuff online rather than on a "retail" premise that I can walk or cycle (but not at the moment) to.

[Cyril Haearn]

Laugh or cry? There are still plenty of people who do not do the interweb, they must be provided for

I have been trying to book an appointment online with a large burocratic organisation, sometimes no slots are available for the next three months, sometimes several are available (cancellations?), I kept trying, got one sooner but a bit early in the morning, trying again tomorrow