Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 28 Jan 2020, 4:18pm

mercalia wrote:This must be the Joke of the Day?
What world is he living in? I think he should do his job for free to allow the license to be free? Some thing tells me he wouldnt agree to that? What a plonker, the biggest plonker in the world :roll:


Gary Lineker says BBC should make licence fee voluntary. Highest-paid BBC presenter would raise cost for those who pay

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2020/jan/27/gary-lineker-says-bbc-should-make-licence-fee-voluntary?utm_term=RWRpdG9yaWFsX0d1YXJkaWFuVG9kYXlVS19XZWVrZGF5cy0yMDAxMjg%3D&utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&CMP=GTUK_email&utm_campaign=GuardianTodayUK


He may be a plonker but farmers would find him useful.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 28 Jan 2020, 5:39pm

I've little time for Mr Lineker: I hate the way he comes on screen just before the BBC news and hypes up MOTD (in which, more often than not, nothing interesting happens - but then I'm not much of a fan of the "not-so-beautiful game"). But I wouldn't call him a 'plonker' for this. After all, don't we often enough cough up for the 'premium' version of a website, so as to get more options and remove the ads? I've done so, on several sites.

So what if the Beeb introduces adverts (*groan*!) but doesn't show them to licence-payers? Easy to manage with online content; don't know if such a system could be policed on old-fashioned TV....
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 28 Jan 2020, 6:29pm

I wouldn't rock the boat as far as the tv licence is concerned, at least we have the big stick of paying for one service to beat them with. Take that away or change things and it would be the govs excuse to double the fee.

I know in reality it's a licence fee for being able to receive ( not receiving ) a tv channel but if we complain about paying for the BBC they'll put adverts in and tell us we're not paying for the BBC anymore just paying the new television tax so what would we achieve ? -- paying for ads?

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 28 Jan 2020, 7:19pm

Mr L is the highest 'earning' presenter at the state broadcaster, doubtless he has enough money already :?
..
What is black and white and read all over?
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 28 Jan 2020, 8:16pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:Mr L is the highest 'earning' presenter at the state broadcaster, doubtless he has enough money already :?
..
What is black and white and read all over?

(Gawd bless you Bryn)

A newspaper?

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 28 Jan 2020, 8:19pm

mattheus wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:Mr L is the highest 'earning' presenter at the state broadcaster, doubtless he has enough money already :?
..
What is black and white and read all over?

(Gawd bless you Bryn)

A newspaper?

Of course, I just hope everyone still knows what a newspaper is/was :wink:
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 28 Jan 2020, 8:54pm

When I've read a newspaper ............. we don't buy them, but sometime I read one or two at the local pubs ................. I don't read them all over.
The back pages are SPORT :shock: :shock:

Yuk.
Mick F. Cornwall

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 28 Jan 2020, 9:00pm

Mick F wrote:When I've read a newspaper ............. we don't buy them, but sometime I read one or two at the local pubs ................. I don't read them all over.
The back pages are SPORT :shock: :shock:

Yuk.


Most back pages are full of football, with a few other ball games.

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 28 Jan 2020, 9:07pm

Mike Sales wrote:
Mick F wrote:When I've read a newspaper ............. we don't buy them, but sometime I read one or two at the local pubs ................. I don't read them all over.
The back pages are SPORT :shock: :shock:

Yuk.


Most back pages are full of football, with a few other ball games.

Football is a busin€$$
Cycling is a sport :wink:
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 28 Jan 2020, 9:49pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:
Mike Sales wrote:
Mick F wrote:When I've read a newspaper ............. we don't buy them, but sometime I read one or two at the local pubs ................. I don't read them all over.
The back pages are SPORT :shock: :shock:

Yuk.


Most back pages are full of football, with a few other ball games.

Football is a busin€$$
Cycling is a sport :wink:


Professional cycling is completely tied up with commerce too. I suppose all sports are, at the top.

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Mick F
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 28 Jan 2020, 9:57pm

Mike Sales wrote:
Mick F wrote:When I've read a newspaper ............. we don't buy them, but sometime I read one or two at the local pubs ................. I don't read them all over.
The back pages are SPORT :shock: :shock:

Yuk.


Most back pages are full of football, with a few other ball games.
I know people who only read the back pages.
Why don't they sell newspapers for them, and newspapers for the people who don't read the back pages?

Any road up, we don't buy them at all. We get given them by the arms full and they either light the fire or line the parrot cage ........ which eventually go in the fire as well. Hopefully the parrot can read before she poos on it. :lol:
Mick F. Cornwall

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 29 Jan 2020, 8:30am

Cyril Haearn wrote:
mattheus wrote:..
What is black and white and read all over?
(Gawd bless you Bryn)

A newspaper?

Of course, I just hope everyone still knows what a newspaper is/was :wink:

What is black and white and red all over?

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 29 Jan 2020, 8:38am

mattheus wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:
mattheus wrote:..
What is black and white and read all over?
(Gawd bless you Bryn)

A newspaper?

Of course, I just hope everyone still knows what a newspaper is/was :wink:

What is black and white and red all over?
I'm afraid that's one of the old classics that doesn't work when written. :( The other one I know is, "what's brown and smelly and comes out of cow[e]s backwards...?". Are there any others like that?
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

Mike Sales
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mike Sales » 29 Jan 2020, 8:41am

661-Pete wrote:
mattheus wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:Of course, I just hope everyone still knows what a newspaper is/was :wink:

What is black and white and red all over?
I'm afraid that's one of the old classics that doesn't work when written. :( The other one I know is, "what's brown and smelly and comes out of cow[e]s backwards...?". Are there any others like that?


What's a Greek urn (earn) ?

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 29 Jan 2020, 8:43am

EDIT: @Pete

err.. are you sure??

I think the "read" version only works orally, but
the "red" version just works!


[Love your brown joke, a true classic!]

Ok, try this:
what's green and red all over?