Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[Cyril Haearn]

What is black and white and red all over?
..
The labour party! It includes black people and white people, and is somewhat left of centre

[Debs]

[mattheus]

Love it!


(hmmm, four circles, Fab Four … )

[mercalia]

How to get a seat on the london tube?
just start coughing

( not pc though)

[RickH]

Saw this one recently

[Cyril Haearn]

A yob drove his vehicle into the back of Ebenezers Granada
'Haven't you taken a driving test?' bleated the old gent
'I bet I have taken more driving tests than you' whimpered the yob

[philvantwo]

Minus 1

[loch eck steve]

Went to the docters recently and he told me my suger was high.............so i went home and put it on a lower shelf

[mattheus]

What is black and white and red all over?

I'm afraid that's one of the old classics that doesn't work when written. The other one I know is, "what's brown and smelly and comes out of cow[e]s backwards...?". Are there any others like that?

What's a Greek urn (earn) ?

How do you find WIll Smith if it's snowing?

Follow the Fresh Prince!

[Cyril Haearn]

'What have we got in the diary this week?', asked the boss
The secretary had a look: 'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,.. Thursday and Friday', he bleated

[Audax67]

Missus: What's all this crud on the shopping-list?

Me: Well you told me to put mustard on it.

[Debs]

A bloke down the road from us has 2 Porsches, a Ferrari, a Jag, 3 Fords and an old Mini Metro.

We suspect he has the car owner virus.

[661-Pete]

An oldie this one, attributed to various dramatists....

A particularly truculent theatre critic, much given to lambasting Noel Coward's work, was furious at not being sent complimentary tickets to Coward's new production. He sent Coward a wire saying "Was most disappointed not to be invited to your First Night. Expect tickets to your Second Night - if you have a Second Night..."

Coward promptly replied "So sorry you were not able to attend our First Night. I am sending you two tickets to our Second Night, for yourself and a friend - if you have a friend..."

[Cyril Haearn]

He brought two friends, paid full price for the second
His review was full of double-entendres
'When I checked my watch at ten o'clock, it was just gone nine'

[mercalia]

Old man of 101 been here since 1966 wants to get confirmation he can stay after Brexit. Home Office replies - Please get your parents to confirm your age

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/feb/12/home-office-tells-man-101-his-parents-must-confirm-id