Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 29 Jan 2020, 8:46am

What is black and white and red all over?
..
The labour party! It includes black people and white people, and is somewhat left of centre :wink:
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 29 Jan 2020, 12:05pm

Image

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 29 Jan 2020, 12:17pm

Debs wrote:Image

Love it!


(hmmm, four circles, Fab Four … )

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 30 Jan 2020, 9:55am

How to get a seat on the london tube?
just start coughing

( not pc though)

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RickH
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby RickH » 30 Jan 2020, 4:15pm

Saw this one recently

FB_IMG_1579616189410.jpg

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 31 Jan 2020, 7:17pm

A yob drove his vehicle into the back of Ebenezers Granada
'Haven't you taken a driving test?' bleated the old gent
'I bet I have taken more driving tests than you' whimpered the yob
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

philvantwo
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby philvantwo » 31 Jan 2020, 7:49pm

Minus 1
[color=#FF0000][/color]

loch eck steve
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby loch eck steve » 1 Feb 2020, 3:08pm

Went to the docters recently and he told me my suger was high.............so i went home and put it on a lower shelf :D

mattheus
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mattheus » 1 Feb 2020, 6:47pm

Mike Sales wrote:
661-Pete wrote:
mattheus wrote:What is black and white and red all over?
I'm afraid that's one of the old classics that doesn't work when written. :( The other one I know is, "what's brown and smelly and comes out of cow[e]s backwards...?". Are there any others like that?


What's a Greek urn (earn) ?


How do you find WIll Smith if it's snowing?

Follow the Fresh Prince!

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 9 Feb 2020, 8:00am

'What have we got in the diary this week?', asked the boss
The secretary had a look: 'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,.. Thursday and Friday', he bleated
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 9 Feb 2020, 9:33am

Missus: What's all this crud on the shopping-list?

Me: Well you told me to put mustard on it. :roll:
Have we got time for another cuppa?

Debs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 10 Feb 2020, 12:14pm

A bloke down the road from us has 2 Porsches, a Ferrari, a Jag, 3 Fords and an old Mini Metro.

We suspect he has the car owner virus.

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661-Pete
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 11 Feb 2020, 6:36pm

An oldie this one, attributed to various dramatists....

A particularly truculent theatre critic, much given to lambasting Noel Coward's work, was furious at not being sent complimentary tickets to Coward's new production. He sent Coward a wire saying "Was most disappointed not to be invited to your First Night. Expect tickets to your Second Night - if you have a Second Night..."

Coward promptly replied "So sorry you were not able to attend our First Night. I am sending you two tickets to our Second Night, for yourself and a friend - if you have a friend..."
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 11 Feb 2020, 7:22pm

He brought two friends, paid full price for the second
His review was full of double-entendres
'When I checked my watch at ten o'clock, it was just gone nine' :wink:
Nice one Cyrille, nice one son..
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on 49" fixed
We love safety cameras, we love life "1330"

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 12 Feb 2020, 4:50pm

Old man of 101 been here since 1966 wants to get confirmation he can stay after Brexit. Home Office replies - Please get your parents to confirm your age :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :shock:

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/feb/12/home-office-tells-man-101-his-parents-must-confirm-id