Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[kwackers]

How does one know when one is sexist.

How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity

[Cyril Haearn]

How does one know when one is sexist.

How does one know someone is a vegan, vegetarian, evangelical christian, yorkshireperson (etc etc)?
..
She tells one at the first opportunity

Are you casting nasturtiums? I use female words a lot to try *not* to be sexist
Should one use 'she/he', or 'they', or even 'it'?
I use "one" a lot. I belong to a minority group with majority status (male)

[jimlews]

I am sexist; I much prefer women - the delightful and much more civilised portion of humanity.

[jimlews]

I went to the Doctor the other day, I said:

'Doctor, I've got a nasty pain in the bum'.

Doctor said,

'I see, can you break wind?'

I said,

'Yes thank you'

She said,

No, would you please break wind, now'.

I said,

BbrrraaahpP'!! Bbraap! Bbraap! Eeahoooooda!!!

She said,

'You have an Abscess'.

I said,

'Goodness gracious me! How do you know that'?

She replied,

'It's the Abscess makes the fart go Honda'

[mercalia]

So thats who is in charge. figures?

[kwackers]

[Debs]

Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.

[mercalia]

Neville the forgetful cannibal was always late for the dinner party.

He was given the cold shoulder, then the elbow.

and since he persisted in this rude habit that was so disrespectful to the host, he was given the finger and then given the boot. But he still tried to keep his foot in the door, so that was added to the menu.

[tim-b]

Two cannibals are eating a comedian, Neville asked, "Does this taste funny?"

[Cyril Haearn]

'Why are you late for work?' barked the boss

'I fell off the scaffolding' bleated the labourer

'Surely that didnae take three hours!'

[Cyril Haearn]

East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant

[mercalia]

East Berlin, 1983, privates on parade. A soldier farted
'Where did you get the beans?', barked the sargeant

and he replied

Beanz Meanz Heinz

[youtube]F_i3AlMCEjw[/youtube]

[mercalia]

well it deserved to be put here also

[mercalia]

[gbnz]

Todays Legal Secretary on Radio 4, complaining bitterly that's she's been made redundant and is having to look for a job

But as she's stated on numerous occasions on Radio 4* today, there "are too many people, chasing too many jobs" . God, I wouldn't want that Legal Secretary processing my legal matters (NB. I suspect they keep on repeating it, as the plaintive note adds to the efffect)