Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[merseymouth]

Oi Guys! Can we get back to the jokes and leave the politics in the proper thread? A case of you're not having a laugh! MM

[sjs]

...the EU should never be let near another outsourcing contract again.

A typo? You're likely to get unexpected people agreeing with you!

[Audax67]

@MM obviously not.

[Oldjohnw]

...the EU should never be let near another outsourcing contract again.

A typo? You're likely to get unexpected people agreeing with you!

It is a funnies thread. I must proof read more!

Read it as ".. they should..."

[Debs]

A little nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials. The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

Гениально!
Спасибо товарищ!

[Cowsham]

Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.

[mercalia]

Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.

you need make a flow chart for the computer literate here

[Cowsham]

Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.

you need make a flow chart for the computer literate here

It would only give rise to a Phalicy

[Cyril Haearn]

Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated

[kylecycler]

Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated

That's a bit like, "I haven't lost it, I just can't find it," which always makes me laugh.

[mercalia]

Capture.JPG (23.44 KiB) Viewed 482 times

[kylecycler]

Real black humour there.

[Cyril Haearn]

Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated

That's a bit like, "I haven't lost it, I just can't find it," which always makes me laugh.

'I was not really naked, I just didnae have any clothes on', chortled a famous actress

[Jdsk]

It was “I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.”

Josephine Baker wasn't known for speaking Scots.

Jonathan

[Cyril Haearn]

It was “I wasn't....
..

Leave me alone please