Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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merseymouth
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby merseymouth » 23 Sep 2020, 10:25am

Oi Guys! Can we get back to the jokes and leave the politics in the proper thread? A case of you're not having a laugh! MM

sjs
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby sjs » 23 Sep 2020, 12:47pm

Oldjohnw wrote: ...the EU should never be let near another outsourcing contract again.



A typo? You're likely to get unexpected people agreeing with you!

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Audax67
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Audax67 » 23 Sep 2020, 1:39pm

@MM obviously not.
Have we got time for another cuppa?

Oldjohnw
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Oldjohnw » 23 Sep 2020, 2:00pm

sjs wrote:
Oldjohnw wrote: ...the EU should never be let near another outsourcing contract again.



A typo? You're likely to get unexpected people agreeing with you!


It is a funnies thread. I must proof read more!

Read it as ".. they should..."
John

Debs
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Location: Powys

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Debs » 23 Sep 2020, 2:17pm

cycleruk wrote:A little nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials. The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00am, and I wanted to let you all know that it’s completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.


Гениально! :lol:
Спасибо товарищ!

Cowsham
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 24 Sep 2020, 1:28pm

Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.

mercalia
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 24 Sep 2020, 3:22pm

Cowsham wrote:Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.


you need make a flow chart for the computer literate here

Cowsham
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Joined: 4 Nov 2019, 1:33pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cowsham » 24 Sep 2020, 9:29pm

mercalia wrote:
Cowsham wrote:Free urine test

Go to a tree trunk and pee on it.
If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.
If it dries too fast, you have high sodium.
If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.
If you got to the tree and forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.
Had trouble aiming at the tree? Parkinsons.
If you pee on your feet, Prostate.
If it was painful coming out, Gonococus, no question.
If however, you couldn’t smell the pee? You have COVID-19.


you need make a flow chart for the computer literate here


It would only give rise to a Phalicy

Cyril Haearn
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Location: Leafy suburbia

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Sep 2020, 12:44pm

Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke :wink:
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
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kylecycler
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kylecycler » 25 Sep 2020, 6:23pm

Cyril Haearn wrote:Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke :wink:
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated

That's a bit like, "I haven't lost it, I just can't find it," which always makes me laugh. :)

mercalia
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Location: london South

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby mercalia » 25 Sep 2020, 6:30pm

Capture.JPG
Capture.JPG (31.5 KiB) Viewed 135 times

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kylecycler
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby kylecycler » 25 Sep 2020, 6:36pm

mercalia wrote:Image

Real black humour there.

Cyril Haearn
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Location: Leafy suburbia

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Sep 2020, 7:06pm

kylecycler wrote:
Cyril Haearn wrote:Too many puns on here, trying to get back on course with a joke :wink:
..
Saw someone sitting outwith a tavern, he was looking sorry for himself

'Alright mate? You got no money? May I buy you a drink?' quoth I

'Money I have, but sadly no thirst at the minute!', he bleated

That's a bit like, "I haven't lost it, I just can't find it," which always makes me laugh. :)

'I was not really naked, I just didnae have any clothes on', chortled a famous actress
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Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies

Jdsk
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Jdsk » 25 Sep 2020, 7:09pm

It was “I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.”

Josephine Baker wasn't known for speaking Scots.

Jonathan

Cyril Haearn
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Cyril Haearn » 25 Sep 2020, 7:13pm

Jdsk wrote:It was “I wasn't....
..

Leave me alone please
Entertainer, idealist, intellectual, PoB, 30120
Cycling-of course, but it is far better on a Gillott
We love safety cameras, we hate bullies