Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

[thirdcrank]

Yes, I think it's clean. It's to do with magnetism

Thanks. As clear as could be, once somebody has explained it. :D

[Debs]

Yes, I think it's clean. It's to do with magnetism

Thanks. As clear as could be, once somebody has explained it.

You'd think the letters stuck to him would be AC and DC

(Iron Man)

[Cowsham]

The best scientists in the world can't explain this joke.

[Debs]

We must all do our bit for the planet…

so i just unplugged a row of electric cars, that no one was using

[reohn2]

We must all do our bit for the planet…

so i just unplugged a row of electric cars, that no one was using

Excellent!

[Manc33]

I ordered a Russian bride on my laptop, it's the WiFi always dreamed of.

[Audax67]

In our neck of the woods the wifi network was made up of old biddies nattering over the garden fence.

[Manc33]

Then Coronation Street got invented and that meant they could sit indoors watching other old biddies doing it on their behalf on TV.

Reminds me of a funny but short conversation years ago between my mum and dad...

Dad: "Why do you watch Coronation Street, it's not even real?"
Mum: "You watch Star Trek".

My dad was forced into a stunned silence, I think even he was impressed with the comeback.

[Audax67]

These days,

Mum: "You watch the news"

would hardly raise an eyebrow.

In the line of comebacks, a few years ago when I was visiting our GP he remarked to an intern "we've known each other for 30 years". I said "yes, when we first met you had dark hair".

He replied "and you had hair".

[Manc33]

What is the most overworked part of a computer?
The keyboard, because it has two shifts.

Not everyone thinks Cleopatra is attractive, but that's how Julius sees her.

What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me.

What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?
Sorry, my fault.

Why are calendars being used less and less?
Their days are numbered.

Arguing with my wife is like reading a software agreement, I ignore it all and at the end, just agree.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine, she found out I was seeing another woman, Claire Lee.
I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

What happened to the hungry time traveler?
He went back 4 seconds.

What movie does the devil put on for his kids?
101 Damnations.

Wife on the phone to her friend: "My husband has just left me for being too insecure. Oh sorry he's back now, he was just getting the mail"

(All jokes stolen from "Daily Dad Jokes Podcast" whom in turn steals them from Reddit)

[Cowsham]

Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes

[mattheus]

Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes

Behind every successful man is the drawer that a woman needs to get into.

[reohn2]

Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes

Behind every successful man there's woman with a rolling pin

[Debs]

A Halfords Spokesperson has just announced the recall of 2,000 bikes sold last year because of 'wheel alignment problems'

[peetee]

A Halfords Spokesperson has just announced the recall of 2,000 bikes sold last year because of 'wheel alignment problems'

None of which were noticed before they left the shops, I’d wager.