courtesy conundrum...

[Carlton green]

As a general comment the way something is written by one person is often not how it is received by another, humour is not guaranteed to work and dry humour certainly can be received as something else. Even in spoken conversation dry humour can go wrong, with someone not recognising the humour and getting upset …. don’t ask me how I know, etc. .

[PH]

I get it when entering the front door to my flats, there's no way for someone to hold the door open without also being in the way. I don't think it matters what you say, as long as it's clear and you do it with a smile "Thanks, I've got it" or "There's a bit of a technique, I'll do it" is usually enough, I've never noticed anyone taking offence at their offer being declined. There's a good chance they'll also think it's a bad idea, but don't want to seem unhelpful by not making the gesture, the polite rejection helps everyone.

[deeferdonk]

I only think its a conundrum when they hold the door for you when you are a bit too far away, and you have to speed up - maybe do a little jog, so you don't seem rude yourself! I suppose as long is the intention is good - can't really complain.

[Cugel]

a queer thing to many from up-North.. .

The 'all northerners are friendly' is far too much of a generalization. I was thinking of Manchester in my original comment. Would love to see how your happy go lucky expectations would go down in some of the gang infested parts walking up to a bunch of hooded lads in black and expecting to be entertained.

If you tootle up on your bike I think you would be taking public transport back! Sure if you have an 'open heart' they might be fine with you but no guarantees and certainly not a guarantee they will be friendly. The culture is to 'look hard' and often to prey on people they see as weaker, to take what they can, gets them respect from their peers.

Large northern cities are just like large southern or midlands, or wherever big cities. Guns, gangs, violence and other crime being more casual fare. There is not some goldilocks zone where everyone is skippiing holding hands in large cities in the north just because they are northern.

With all that noted I have also had many great interactions and memories from larger cities. I lived in them most of my life so there was a reason just that the 'all northerners are friendly' is just another urban legend, like Carlton notes above there are good and bad of each in every part of the UK though it is a fact there is more violent crime in cities.

There are even well known gangsters in your beloved Newcastle. Never heard of ones like Vic Dark, Brian Cockerill, Lee Duffy? All menaces in their time in that North Eastern area. Just because you were insulated from it doesn't mean it didn't exist.

"Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
Step out of line, the men come and take you away."

But that's us humans, eh? So easily able to construct a pair of spectacles that transforms the world out there into a dark umber land of gharks & hoos or a rose-tinted Panglossian upland complete with unicorns ..... and everything in between. Of course, the world contains both; it's easy enough to see them all if you put aside the metaphysical culture-specs.

**************
Presently I live in West Wales, after 51 years living in North Lancashire and 19 living in Tyneside. I've also spent significant albeit relatively brief periods living elsewhere in Britain. There's always been a large predominance of decent people, including amongst those you condemn as "bunches of hooded lads". There are, however, different traditions in how strangers are regarded on a first meet and sometimes this keeps them strangers, to a degree.

Hereabouts in West Wales people are friendly and open at first meet - but there's always a reserve of the native (born and raised here) Welsh for the Sais incomers. It doesn't seem to cause fear, animosity or anything other than a certain caution, perhaps because the place was somewhat punished for some centuries by "The Sais", in one way or another.

In north Lancashire folk were less sociable towards strangers but not out of suspicion of them so much as a tendency to feel more comfortable with their often rather inward-looking ex-mill town caution about life in general.

None of these local "characteristics" are universal or particularly affective upon the outsiders or incomers. But they are noticeable in contrast to other localised miasmas of general behaviour towards strangers.