P17 ROY the elbow clipper - my sweet revenge

[dave84]

Hi,

I felt compelled to share a story of adversity, frustration but ultimately satisfaction and redemption that I experienced on my way home today. So here it is. A little long maybe but hey.

12.45 miles, 12.2 of those were bliss. 18mph south-westerly resulting in a generous helping hand all the way home. The zip of the tyres above the silence of a true tailwind is a joy indeed. Dry, sunny but not too hot. 3/5 of the way on the Cambridge guided busway, very little traffic. I shared 100 yards or so with a goldfinch fluttering along about 1ft from my elbow, presumably he was also on his way home to an evening with his missus, home made pizza and a well earned beer.

I even stopped to allow a family of ducks to waddle across the path and had a Samaritan moment offering an old gent in trouble my spare inner tube, but he got patched up ok and on his way.

So the scene is generally an idyllic cycling nirvana of boundless joy. The 4 miles on the road were also fine, everyone giving me lots of room then it bunches up a bit as we enter my village. Mercedes ML reg P17 ROY comes closer to me than anyone ever has, which is going some. I could hear him creep up and before I could throw a glance behind and move to primary to stop his shenanigans I'm forced to bump over the grates in the gutter to avoid his wing mirror as he squeezes between me and the oncoming cars. Roy lived up to my rather prejudiced expectations based on what vehicle it was as I caught his eye. Roy has the appearance of a hippo crossed with a walrus with sun glasses on.

Then something amazing happened that I've never done before. There was half a second where my mind went into caveman mode and I pictured Roy exploding in his car, lard splattering on the windscreen etc but that passed very quickly. I didn't shout with rage and wave my fist as I have been known to do previously. I didn't race to catch him him at the zebra crossing a little further down the road and scrape my bar ends down his door (as I have not done, but certainly dreamed about). I calmly completed my journey, got home and diligently stretched and warmed down. I had a glass of nature's very own super recovery drink, milk.I then had several handfuls of my new favourite snack. Mixed linseed, pumpkin seed, sesame seed, cashew nuts and hazel nuts. Next, I gave my bike a scrub and a clean it will never forget so that on Monday morning I leap on it with pride and enthusiasm as I continue to cycle 150 miles a week and be in the best health of my life so far.

My revenge on all the Roy's out their with their equatorial waist sizes, poor spatial awareness and lacklustre decision making skills, trying to make other road users feel insignificant and bully them out the way, is that all the Roys will be long gone while I'm still happily pedalling away. I will reap the health benefits of regular exercise and a healthy diet (Friday night pizza aside, of course). I will, in my own humble way, spread a little happiness by offering assistance to others in need and smiling and saying hello to people I meet along the way instead of barging through with no consideration for others. I will also enjoy the connection to the natural world that you get when cycling regularly, noticing the changing of the season or even simply knowing which way the wind is blowing.

Roy's only legacy is to the worms. I've forgotten him already.

Ah what a good rambling pile of tosh that was. Maybe Roy was just in an air conditioned daydream and had a momentary lapse of judgement and wasn't the vindictive madman I've painted him as. Roy is a person too, he has a family. Maybe he was on his way to deliver toys to orphans. Who knows?

I realise that what I should have done is recognise the obstruction to overtaking caused by the constant oncoming traffic through the village and that this is an invitation to being squeezed off the road. I should have assumed primary way back down the road and damn his trousers if he wants to overtake This is a 30 zone with a zebra crossing round the next corner. I do 20-22mph consistently over the 4 or 5 miles I have to do on the road and I was just about keeping up with the traffic.I would then have signalled right into my road (about 200 yards further on) and made him wait as if I was a car whilst looking for a break to turn across the traffic to stop him squeezing up the inside (as I have experienced before).




Now where's that beer.....

Dave

[gaz]

I had two moments of instant karma today.

Riding through the lanes someone decided to sit behind me through the first blind bend but upon reflection couldn't be bothered to stay there for the next one. A couple of hundred yards further on, at the third blind bend, I found her reversing back because of an oncoming truck.

Having backed into the hedge the truck squeezed through, followed by a car. She then wound her window down and said "Do you want to come past? I need to back up further, there's a big tractor up ahead." I took her up on her offer and sure enough there was a very large tractor with some agricultural impliment or other on the front and she was going to need to go back another 100 yards or so to let it past.

It was a good five minutes or so before she passed me again, this time she waited for a clear straight stretch to do it. Karma.

Later on I felt quite smug as I passed a queue of traffic stuck behind a dustcart. The lead car decided to try and take some skin off my elbow when it eventually caught me up. I don't know what happened to him further up the road, as I turned off onto a narrower lane where I got stuck behind a different dustcart.

Karma strikes back.

Beer's in the kitchen, but not for long.

[Ian Raleigh]

I ate a box full of pop-corn and drunk a pint a beer before i got to the end of your post

Normally i go in rage mode at car drivers even telling the wife the details right down to grit on the road
but lately i try to relax at home and forget about the moron who en-raged me in the first place.

IR

[Goosey]

Dave84 - love it!

[DevonDamo]

Dave - sounds like this driver was a complete ass.

All I'd say is be very careful about punishing everyone else because of the actions of one person. After an incident like this,if you can find the driver to smack him in the mouth, that's great, but there's no point in taking it out on anyone else. The vast majority of motorists (despite the impression you can get from reading this forum) will reciprocate when you show them a bit of consideration. If you start changing to a 'sod them all' mindset, you'll start encountering far more 'punishment' manoeuvres from motorists than you did previously.

(This isn't a comment on your plan for driving down that specific road - you know that road, so that's up to your own judgement. I'm just wary when I hear of people significantly altering their riding style after someone has taken the <inappropriate term removed>: are they really looking to optimise their road use or are they taking out their grudge on people who weren't involved?)

[chesterpete]

Death to all Roys!

[dave84]

Devondamo, that's sound advice and I try not to fall into that trap. I would only do what I described in the circumstances of heavy incoming traffic on a narrow road, and i know I'm turning right imminently so the motorists won't be frustrated for long. I've learned you have to take every situation as it occurs and there's no single riding strategy that suits all conditions

Dave A

[dave84]

ahhh I'm not the person I thought I had grown to be.

Today's ride home was awesome for a different reason, lashing with rain it was man vs the elements and it was the first real test for my bbb wateflex overshoes. I dont mind getting wet in a warm downpour on the way home but I really abhor getting my feet wet, squelching on every downstroke.

Anyway, there I was, winning against the elements on 2 mile stretch of road that has a cycle path at the side of it. This type of thing has been covered before. Hopefully everyone will understand when I say the cycle path is NOT suitable for 20mph on a bike, therefore, I'm pounding down the road (40 limit). No oncoming cars as everyone is going home in the same direction. An audi estate passes very very close and cuts in as to chop off my front wheel when he could have easily passed entirely on the other side of the road (like everyone else was doing).

I immediately knew that he was trying to make a point that I should be on the cycle path. I caught him up 2 minutes later at the 1/2 mile long queue that always forms at the next lights and I just couldn't give in to enquiring why he passed me so closely. Luckily those 2 minutes had given me time to cool down and mentally switch to my "telephone complaint" voice. I had a few ripostes up my sleeve after reading around on here.

I didn't get his name but he was wearing a footballers costume. Lets call him Wayne.

Me: Can you tell me why you passed so close to me when the other side of the road was clear?
Wayne: You should be on the **%&*$%^" cycle path
Me: Is that reason enough to endanger my life? (hurrah! immediate moral win! A bit useless if I'm road pizza though)
Wayne: It's there for a $%&£$%^ purpose
Me: Yes, and that purpose is certainly not bicycles going over 10mph. Every day I ride down here at almost twice that.
Wayne: Your a danger to the traffic and your slowing us all down
Me (struggling to do less than walking pace with all the cars): You lot are slowing me down.

Scene ends with me overtaking 30 or so stationary cars in the queue, popping into the ASL and granted an immediate green without having to unclip. Wayne overtook me later with much beeping but oddly gave me a very wide berth.

It's a shame we couldn't have continued our battle of wits, I was waiting for him to play the tax card, or the can't afford a car card ("Is your car made of carbon fibre? is a good one I read on here the other day, sorry I can't quote you properly!"). I don't think I got through to him but I was very careful to appear polite and didn't swear, as he had kids in the car.

I should have learned from last week not to bother to try and reason with these people and just continue on my way but the aggressive act of basically using his car as a weapon really got to me.

Dave A

[incidentman]

Next time just key his car door.

[LWaB]

It is easier and faster to bang the wing mirror. Horizontally if you are being nice, vertically if not.

[gaz]

...Me: Yes, and that purpose is certainly not bicycles going over 10mph. Every day I ride down here at almost twice that.
...

Just for the record its over 18mph, although quoting the weblink doesn't make for a swift reposte.

[dave84]

Maybe I could have it written on a long bit of tarp fluttering behind me like an aerial banner

[Claireysmurf]

In my limited experience, there is nothing more likely (at least in Cardiff) to get a motorist angry and out of his car than slapping the bodywork with an open palm (makes decent noise, little chance of damage) or knocking the mirror back. Suddenly gets into their personal space just like they have in to yours. Maybe it is my large size and androgynous cycling attire but male drivers and passengers have felt it was ok to chase after me on two occasions now

[dave84]

I've often thought of administering a palm slap but my hands are invariably busy with the handlebar to fight the wind buffeting of cars/vans passing. If I'm in slow moving traffic my preferred rebuttal is to vent my anger through my pedals and make progress in the queue to try and demonstrate that all the car drivers have made the wrong vehicle selection and would be better off on a bike. They never seem to learn though. My office may be moving next year and my new route has no token cycle path, which I prefer becuase the numpties can't say I should be on the cycle path. It also means I get to cycle past the regular 2 or 3 miles of nose to tail cars queuing to get on the dual carriage way (which I skip over and avoid) hehe

[timmyhiggy]

If someone passes too close I gesture at them through their mirror with thumb and forefinger very close, in the hope they didn't do it deliberately. If they react in a way that suggests it was deliberate I become a seething ball of rage and end up with an incredible average speed for the rest of my journey. Best to take the rage out on the legs, I don't want the chance of someone trying to use their car as a weapon against me...