Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

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pete75
Posts: 11722
Joined: 24 Jul 2007, 2:37pm

Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby pete75 » 25 Jan 2015, 10:56am

Have you heard about the Frenchman with a wheat allergy?
He could only count to seven.

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Swallow
Posts: 887
Joined: 4 Feb 2010, 10:13am
Location: Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Swallow » 25 Jan 2015, 11:10am

Proof that a dog is a mans best friend.....
lock your dog and your wife in the boot of your car and go back in an hour and see which is pleased to see you
'Kernow bys Vyken'

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gaz
Posts: 13701
Joined: 9 Mar 2007, 12:09pm
Location: Kent, car park of England

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby gaz » 25 Jan 2015, 11:33am

Why did the Weeble go to the cash machine?












He wanted to check his balance.
Hand wash only. Do not iron.

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Jeckyll_n_Snyde
Posts: 312
Joined: 9 Feb 2008, 3:15am
Location: On a globe avoiding Flat Earth NUTTERS
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Jeckyll_n_Snyde » 25 Jan 2015, 3:31pm

Why don't flies have balls ?












Because they can't dance. :wink:
MALE by the evolutionary process of natural selection
Heterosexual by choice
Atheist by the grace of G** :wink: :wink: :wink:

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jezer
Posts: 1542
Joined: 29 Sep 2007, 5:16pm
Location: North Wiltshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jezer » 25 Jan 2015, 4:04pm

I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:
Power to the pedals

freeflow
Posts: 1198
Joined: 29 Aug 2011, 1:54pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby freeflow » 25 Jan 2015, 4:10pm

I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

geocycle
Posts: 1728
Joined: 11 Jan 2007, 9:46am

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby geocycle » 25 Jan 2015, 4:27pm

freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?

TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby TonyR » 25 Jan 2015, 5:02pm

geocycle wrote:
freeflow wrote:I bought myself an etrex!! :shock: :shock:

Is that yorkshire for a long walk?


Or cooking fat laced with Ecstasy? Rubbed into the mouth in what Yorkshire druggies refer to as "E by gum"

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jezer
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Joined: 29 Sep 2007, 5:16pm
Location: North Wiltshire

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby jezer » 25 Jan 2015, 5:32pm

When I was at school I was the teacher's pet. She kept me in a cage at the back of the classroom. Alright it's an old one, but then so am I :?
Power to the pedals

TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby TonyR » 25 Jan 2015, 9:13pm

jezer wrote:I bought Mrs Jezer a wooden leg for Christmas, it wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler :lol:


I got Mrs R an eye pad. I still don't understand what I did wrong - she'd been dropping hints about wanting one for months.

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al_yrpal
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Location: Cully
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Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby al_yrpal » 25 Jan 2015, 11:44pm

Heres food for thought…Meskel Square, Addis Abeba: http://youtu.be/UEIn8GJIg0E Watch the peds and cyclists!

And.. To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.

..and Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.

Jack and Jill,
Went up the hill,
To have some hanky panky,
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Franky.

One, two, three, four, five, once I caught a fish alive,
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
I'm barred from Deep Sea World again.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
The structure of the wall was incorrect,
So he got three grand from Claims Direct.

Mary had a little lamb,
It had a touch of colic,
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now its alcoholic.
Al
Touring on a bicycle is a great way to explore and appreciate the countryside and towns you pass through. CTC gone but not forgotten!

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Mick F
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Joined: 7 Jan 2007, 11:24am
Location: Tamar Valley, Cornwall

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby Mick F » 26 Jan 2015, 7:26am

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her bare.
Mick F. Cornwall

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661-Pete
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Joined: 22 Nov 2012, 8:45pm
Location: Sussex

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby 661-Pete » 26 Jan 2015, 8:46am

Hmmm.... not all that funny and not all that clean. :roll:

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white and wispy.
One day, along came foot-and-mouth,
And now it's black and crispy....
Suppose that this room is a lift. The support breaks and down we go with ever-increasing velocity.
Let us pass the time by performing physical experiments...
--- Arthur Eddington (creator of the Eddington Number).

TonyR
Posts: 5390
Joined: 31 Aug 2008, 12:51pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby TonyR » 26 Jan 2015, 9:28am

When Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
But when Macdonald had a farm
You should have seen his eyes!

Mary had a little lamb
The farmer shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And when the little lamb got out
The sheepdog tried to put it back again.

The old ones are the best.... IGMC

tatanab
Posts: 3768
Joined: 8 Feb 2007, 12:37pm

Re: Funniest clean joke I've heard recently

Postby tatanab » 26 Jan 2015, 12:32pm

Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen floor.
The little dog laughed to see so much,
so the cat did a little bit more.