What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

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JohnW
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Location: Yorkshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by JohnW »

Topical comment/advice from a near-neighbour, following a recent publication of a town planning decision.

Take care to put the seat-cover down on your toilet before you go to bed, or the local planning authority will have approved a development for a hundred three-car family homes (down there) by morning.
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cycleruk
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Location: Lancashire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by cycleruk »

These are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow :

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
You'll never know if you don't try it.
DaveReading
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Joined: 24 Feb 2019, 5:37pm

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by DaveReading »

cycleruk wrote: 25 May 2023, 7:31pmThese are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
Lifted from a US book (hence the ER reference).
JohnW
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Joined: 6 Jan 2007, 9:12pm
Location: Yorkshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by JohnW »

DaveReading wrote: 25 May 2023, 8:16pm
cycleruk wrote: 25 May 2023, 7:31pmThese are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
Lifted from a US book (hence the ER reference).
Dave - I must be thick, for which I apologise, but I don't understand that.
I'm not trying to be clever.
DaveReading
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by DaveReading »

JohnW wrote: 25 May 2023, 9:13pm
DaveReading wrote: 25 May 2023, 8:16pm
cycleruk wrote: 25 May 2023, 7:31pmThese are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow
Lifted from a US book (hence the ER reference).
Dave - I must be thick, for which I apologise, but I don't understand that.
I'm not trying to be clever.
ER = Emergency Room - US-speak for Accident & Emergency
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cycleruk
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Joined: 17 Jan 2009, 9:30pm
Location: Lancashire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by cycleruk »

Could be US based but just passing on something I was sent.
Still found them funny even if only half fact.
As the heading says - made me laugh today. :D
You'll never know if you don't try it.
JohnW
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Joined: 6 Jan 2007, 9:12pm
Location: Yorkshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by JohnW »

DaveReading wrote: 25 May 2023, 10:47pm
JohnW wrote: 25 May 2023, 9:13pm
DaveReading wrote: 25 May 2023, 8:16pm

Lifted from a US book (hence the ER reference).
Dave - I must be thick, for which I apologise, but I don't understand that.
I'm not trying to be clever.
ER = Emergency Room - US-speak for Accident & Emergency
Thanks Dave - I confessed my ignorance!
JohnW
Posts: 6667
Joined: 6 Jan 2007, 9:12pm
Location: Yorkshire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by JohnW »

cycleruk wrote: 25 May 2023, 11:12pm Could be US based but just passing on something I was sent.
Still found them funny even if only half fact.
As the heading says - made me laugh today. :D
Oh yes - made me laugh also.
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Audax67
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Audax67 »

Nothing yet.
Have we got time for another cuppa?
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cycleruk
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Joined: 17 Jan 2009, 9:30pm
Location: Lancashire

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by cycleruk »

Audax67 wrote: 26 May 2023, 8:36am Nothing yet.
How about this :-
Bioing.jpg
You'll never know if you don't try it.
rjb
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Location: Somerset (originally 60/70's Plymouth)

Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by rjb »

Reminds me of Johnny Helms
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At the last count:- Peugeot 531 pro, Dawes Discovery Tandem, Dawes Kingpin X3, Raleigh 20 stowaway, 1965 Moulton deluxe, Falcon K2 MTB dropped bar tourer, Rudge Bi frame folder, Longstaff trike conversion on a Giant XTC 840 :D
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Audax67
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Audax67 »

cycleruk wrote: 26 May 2023, 6:19pm
Audax67 wrote: 26 May 2023, 8:36am Nothing yet.
How about this :-
Bioing.jpg
<smile> Ta.
Have we got time for another cuppa?
peetee
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by peetee »

We’re staying at a holiday let in the North York Moors at the moment. Next door is an elderly couple who like to keep active (we’ve stayed before and had a natter) but the husband is a bit poorly at the mo. Nevertheless, his wife busied herself this morning at 7am by starting to clean the car. By 8 she was at it with the wax. By 8:30 she was out there going at the poor defenceless vehicle with a toothbrush.
They say you should keep yourself busy as the years roll on. Mrs next-door-neighbour is a the most prolific proponent of this I have ever met. It’s just gone 5pm and we’ve just returned from a nice day on the bikes (out n back to the Raven Hall Hotel, thanks for asking - you really must visit, it’s splendid).
She’s still there, cloth in hand, by their car. It’s starting to looking nice now.
I wonder how many toothbrushes are in her bin.
The older I get the more I’m inclined to act my shoe size, not my age.
mattheus
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by mattheus »

:shock:
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Cowsham
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Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?

Post by Cowsham »

At the TT today saw two guys on c90's going through KirkMichael but they were like two little Buddha's with man boobs in T shirts 2 sizes too small. The road is bumpy. You can imagine the rest. Sorry for leaving that image but when it's funny -- it's just fluffin funny.
I am here. Where are you?
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