What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
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"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
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- Posts: 1730
- Joined: 8 Dec 2012, 6:08pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Finished work early today so came home, got changed and went down the Aldi in the car to do the shopping. The carpark there is a one way system and it was fairly busy, about 30 yards in and I spotted a space so I pulled in, the space in front was free so I carried on into that one......just as some woman was about to pull into it, I couldn't reverse as someone had pulled in behind me. She wasn't happy, gave me the V's and then the finger!
Anyway did the shopping and came out to find a folded piece of paper under the wiper blade, I guess that angry woman had left it there, I unfolded it to read ......
"YOU ARE A COMPLETE BELLEND!"
she'd even drawn a picture complete with a pair of hairy b*****ks!!!
Anyway did the shopping and came out to find a folded piece of paper under the wiper blade, I guess that angry woman had left it there, I unfolded it to read ......
"YOU ARE A COMPLETE BELLEND!"
she'd even drawn a picture complete with a pair of hairy b*****ks!!!
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
philvantwo wrote: ↑14 Jan 2022, 8:21pm Finished work early today so came home, got changed and went down the Aldi in the car to do the shopping. The carpark there is a one way system and it was fairly busy, about 30 yards in and I spotted a space so I pulled in, the space in front was free so I carried on into that one......just as some woman was about to pull into it, I couldn't reverse as someone had pulled in behind me. She wasn't happy, gave me the V's and then the finger!
Anyway did the shopping and came out to find a folded piece of paper under the wiper blade, I guess that angry woman had left it there, I unfolded it to read ......
"YOU ARE A COMPLETE BELLEND!"
she'd even drawn a picture complete with a pair of hairy b*****ks!!!
Hairy ! That's detail
I am here. Where are you?
- kylecycler
- Posts: 1386
- Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
- Location: Kyle, Ayrshire
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Oh, so that's what a bellend is - I've heard it, I knew it was an insult, it just never occurred to me what it meant!philvantwo wrote: ↑14 Jan 2022, 8:21pm Finished work early today so came home, got changed and went down the Aldi in the car to do the shopping. The carpark there is a one way system and it was fairly busy, about 30 yards in and I spotted a space so I pulled in, the space in front was free so I carried on into that one......just as some woman was about to pull into it, I couldn't reverse as someone had pulled in behind me. She wasn't happy, gave me the V's and then the finger!
Anyway did the shopping and came out to find a folded piece of paper under the wiper blade, I guess that angry woman had left it there, I unfolded it to read ......
"YOU ARE A COMPLETE BELLEND!"
she'd even drawn a picture complete with a pair of hairy b*****ks!!!
I don't think it's a term that's ever used in Scotland, just as 'bampot' isn't used in England (a bampot is a heidbanger, so if you see her again you can tell her she's a bampot, although it's not usually directed at females. Then again, I don't suppose bellend is either!).
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
It suddenly occurred to me this morning regarding the international tennis player Novak Djokovic.
He's been deported as we know.
Why?
Because he's not been vaccinated.
His first name should have given everybody a clue ................ No Vacc.
He's been deported as we know.
Why?
Because he's not been vaccinated.
His first name should have given everybody a clue ................ No Vacc.
Mick F. Cornwall
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- Posts: 753
- Joined: 24 Feb 2019, 5:37pm
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Well spotted.
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Novak Djokovic is the first Sports person in History to be booted out of a competition for failing to take drugs
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
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"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
I popped into a shop this morning. It has double doors and I did my usual (read ‘every time’) trick of trying to pull the door one way, then the other way, only to find that door was locked, then try the other door one way and then another before I found the correct method of entry.
Now, if you are still with me, you will have ascertained that there were four possible options to access this portal but only one worked. The rule of averages states that 25% of first attempts should allow you to enter unimpeded but I would guesstimate that over my lifetime my failure rate in such scenarios is around 97.5%. In years gone by this would have would me up no end and is no way to start a shopping experience that I know is destined to end in tears anyway (I’m a Yorkshireman so don’t like spending money and I can never find my thing I like in my size).
If you have any doubt as to the authenticity of my predicament allow me to recount my first visit to a local hardware shop: On the side facing the main road there is a path leading to two sets of double doors. I tried all four. They were all locked but there were clearly people shopping inside. The entrance, un-signposted from the front, was at the rear of the building. Still questioning my luck?
I used to ponder also about how many people, perhaps less systematic than I, never manage to try all the hinge-swing combinations and walk away on the assumption that the shop is shut. Or, cursed with ‘The Luck of the Peetee’s’, tries just once and walks away in a steaming rage muttering “well, if that’s how much you want my business then you can stuff it”. And yes, I have done this myself.
What, might you ask, has this to do with this thread?
Well, time has mellowed me. For years I quietly boiled over at this totally unnecessary affront to happy and fluid building/street transition. This morning the Redruth door piskies tried their best to spoil my mood and I just laughed in their faces.
And I will do next time.
And the next.
And the next...
Now, if you are still with me, you will have ascertained that there were four possible options to access this portal but only one worked. The rule of averages states that 25% of first attempts should allow you to enter unimpeded but I would guesstimate that over my lifetime my failure rate in such scenarios is around 97.5%. In years gone by this would have would me up no end and is no way to start a shopping experience that I know is destined to end in tears anyway (I’m a Yorkshireman so don’t like spending money and I can never find my thing I like in my size).
If you have any doubt as to the authenticity of my predicament allow me to recount my first visit to a local hardware shop: On the side facing the main road there is a path leading to two sets of double doors. I tried all four. They were all locked but there were clearly people shopping inside. The entrance, un-signposted from the front, was at the rear of the building. Still questioning my luck?
I used to ponder also about how many people, perhaps less systematic than I, never manage to try all the hinge-swing combinations and walk away on the assumption that the shop is shut. Or, cursed with ‘The Luck of the Peetee’s’, tries just once and walks away in a steaming rage muttering “well, if that’s how much you want my business then you can stuff it”. And yes, I have done this myself.
What, might you ask, has this to do with this thread?
Well, time has mellowed me. For years I quietly boiled over at this totally unnecessary affront to happy and fluid building/street transition. This morning the Redruth door piskies tried their best to spoil my mood and I just laughed in their faces.
And I will do next time.
And the next.
And the next...
The older I get the more I’m inclined to act my shoe size, not my age.
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Can't help with the locked doors, but the signalling of whether to push or pull is famous in ergonomics: "Norman Doors".
Highly Recommended.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Desig ... day_Things
https://99percentinvisible.org/article/ ... me-design/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Norman
Jonathan
Highly Recommended.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Desig ... day_Things
https://99percentinvisible.org/article/ ... me-design/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Norman
Jonathan
Last edited by Jdsk on 19 Jan 2022, 10:46am, edited 1 time in total.
- kylecycler
- Posts: 1386
- Joined: 12 Aug 2013, 4:09pm
- Location: Kyle, Ayrshire
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
^ Maybe I'm just slow but I had to do a double take with the kettle...
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
I find only ever shopping in emporiums with one door,therebye reducing a failure rate to 50%.peetee wrote: ↑19 Jan 2022, 10:12am I popped into a shop this morning. It has double doors and I did my usual (read ‘every time’) trick of trying to pull the door one way, then the other way, only to find that door was locked, then try the other door one way and then another before I found the correct method of entry.
Now, if you are still with me, you will have ascertained that there were four possible options to access this portal but only one worked. The rule of averages states that 25% of first attempts should allow you to enter unimpeded but I would guesstimate that over my lifetime my failure rate in such scenarios is around 97.5%. In years gone by this would have would me up no end and is no way to start a shopping experience that I know is destined to end in tears anyway (I’m a Yorkshireman so don’t like spending money and I can never find my thing I like in my size).
If you have any doubt as to the authenticity of my predicament allow me to recount my first visit to a local hardware shop: On the side facing the main road there is a path leading to two sets of double doors. I tried all four. They were all locked but there were clearly people shopping inside. The entrance, un-signposted from the front, was at the rear of the building. Still questioning my luck?
I used to ponder also about how many people, perhaps less systematic than I, never manage to try all the hinge-swing combinations and walk away on the assumption that the shop is shut. Or, cursed with ‘The Luck of the Peetee’s’, tries just once and walks away in a steaming rage muttering “well, if that’s how much you want my business then you can stuff it”. And yes, I have done this myself.
What, might you ask, has this to do with this thread?
Well, time has mellowed me. For years I quietly boiled over at this totally unnecessary affront to happy and fluid building/street transition. This morning the Redruth door piskies tried their best to spoil my mood and I just laughed in their faces.
And I will do next time.
And the next.
And the next...
Of course there's an intrinsically fail safe approach in which you simply wait for another customer exiting and making a mental note of which way the said door swings enter flawlessly and with panache
PS,I'm a Lancashire lad and therefore much more adroit at approaching such obstacles in life's rich tapestry of problems.
Up here for thinking,down there for dancing as the saying goes
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"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
... and then you find yourself stuck in the No-Mans Land behind the tills. Or don't even get through the door, as it's only activated by customers on the inside who are exiting.
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
One needs to possess some wily foxlike(though not Coyotelike) attributes at such times.....
-----------------------------------------------------------
"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
"All we are not stares back at what we are"
W H Auden
Re: What Has Made You Laugh Today ?
Here On Windermere, I saw two ducks coordinate their mating ritual and Seal the good deed after 4 seconds. The glory of life and a quarter of whole meal crust for subsistence and preen.