Favourite saying, or quote.

[simonineaston]

I quite liked Dom Cummings's "he's as thick as mince" - although I don't think his target is and also mince in my experience, isn't.

[Pebble]

complaining about the thinness of the fabric, the woman commented - "A duck could eat peas through that"

[Slowtwitch]

My grandad used to say of mean people 'that man wouldn't give a door a bang'!

What's your favourite?

my fav one for that is - "tighter than two coats of paint"

This one is from the Royal Navy: As tight as a submarine door!

[Hellhound]

As tight as an otter's pocket!

As thick as a brick!

My Grandads versions of both of those are quite a bit ruder.Then again most of his old sayings would be considered both racist and sexist these days....because they were!

It's about as useful as a chocolate tea pot.

One of the Team leaders at a Printing firm I worked at got a final written warning for using that!The person he was describing was an Agency worker who came from Nigeria.He was told it was considered racist when directed at Black people!!

[rotavator]

He is so mean he can peel an orange in his pocket.

[reohn2]

Two more descriptives of stupid people:-
If he'd a brain he'd be dangerous.
If his brains were made of dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his cap off

A sullen looking person would be described as having lost a tanner and found a threepennybit

If it doesn't rain before tonight it'll go dark

More philosophical;
Make friends with a headwind as it'll only frustrate you if you fight it.

[Pebble]

I think my favourite and one I do use is, "As thick as two short planks"

This was also possibly the first such quote, or play with words that I considered as a child and thought it so clever, how a plank does appear to get thicker the shorter it gets.

[reohn2]

I used to know a chap I worked with who'd often say at the end of brewtime when we were reluctant to make a start "well this isn't getting the wife a new dress"

[Audax67]

He is so mean he can peel an orange in his pocket.

Excellent!

A Scottish one: Fools and bairns should never see half-done work.

I once showed a software product in late-stage development to someone from Marketing, and a couple of days later received a command from management to make a "pre-beta" version available to a dealer "for demonstration". Protests went unheard. Next thing we knew the dealer had installed it at a client's place and the client was screaming blue murder since of course the damned thing wasn't fully debugged. A couple of months later the product had such a bad reputation that nobody wanted it. The company went under less than a year later.

[ket]

Couple of my other oft used ones:

"Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn by no other".

and

"If you want it cooked, you'll have to wait" - as per notice in restaurant l'Antoine (New Orleans).

[jimlews]

Said of a parsimonious person

He/She has short arms and long pockets

[Slowtwitch]

Said of someone who's a bit of an idiot:

'You've got a head full of broken bottles'

With bad teeth:

"a mouth like a row of derelict houses! '

[Slowtwitch]

Mad as a box of frogs.

[Hellhound]

Mad as a box of frogs.

A friend always says 'As mad as a fish'.

[bikes4two]

Lighten your day and Google quotes by George Carlin - here's my current fave:
“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience”