Cycling UK Forum

al_yrpal wrote: ↑2 Sep 2022, 9:28am Gosh, how terrible, you have a long distance mate here.

Al

Add my name to that list of mates too.

Mental illness is a terrible thing and recent years have taken a toll of so many people. There’s no point in a partner beating themselves up over something that they have or had no or little control over, easy words but still true. NA now needs to look after his own physical and mental well-being … there will be challenges ahead to manage, hopefully friends and family will also help.

Plus one to Ian’s comments above too.

.

This is horrible and nothing anyone can say will make it better, but as others have suggested, find a support group. Here is one but I do not know if they are active in the UK: https://allianceofhope.org/
All the best.

Nobody can know how you feel, you have my deepest commiserations.
Talk and stay safe

You must not blame yourself. Your partner was an independent person who had her own choices to make, and sadly she chose this course of action. Over time you may be able to reflect on this and work out why it happened, but right now you must care for yourself. I'm glad you are reaching out and talking to people. I'm sure that is the best thing you can do.

Crikey, N.A., that's crushing. All my sympathy.

Very sorry to read about your loss.
Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Have suffered a sudden family bereavement myself - our baby son thirty years ago. My experience was that only time lessened the pain. Though you'll always miss her, you won't always feel as bad as you do now.

I've been slow to comment but you have my best wishes.

I can't imaging how you must feel, my absolute sympathy.
I hope you get as much support as you could possibly get.

Hi,
I am talking to family and freinds niegbors.
My only support officially which from police was a link I posted up thread, petes dragons".
They work 9-5 weekdays so nothing happening at weekends.
So apart from first contact which happened next day after I contacted petes dragons, which was a pre curser to an inteview etc.
Nothing will happen now till monday assuming they contact me, which is five days after event.

There was plenty of action on the night with six to ten emergency staff, 23:00 - 05:00 so over six hours at my property but its a bit thin and slow now when I need some help.

There needs to be a better system here. Not for me, but I wish,..................for others like me.

I am joining some other group rides, to keep my brain from accelerating somewhere dark.
Plenty of work to do..............I only wish I had had done it when it mattered.
Thanks for all your commments much apprieciated.

Flipping spelling correction is still stuffed

There's not much practical help most of us can offer through the forum but please don't be deterred from posting: solidarity can help a bit and somebody may have specific advice over any bureaucracy that rears its head.

There needs to be a better system here. Not for me, but I wish,..................for others like me

Agreed, too often we hear of something awful and wish more could have been done to prevent such tragedies, but very often such help eventually comes to others from those who suffer most. Is there an opportunity for you here?

Hi,
Yes and Yes.

I can see clearly what needs to be done, which could easily be done with modern technology which seems to falter / not exist / poorly used.
For vulnerable and bereaved.

Before I would simply say someone must of suspected / family/partner were simply guilty of neglect.

Not so!
But I beat myself up constantly.

My partner planned calmly everthing, fooling me, I see the subtle signs now but were hard to spot before.

I am busy with paper work and chores at the moment.

Meals times are no longer very pleasant at all.
Shopping for just a third of normal producewas a downer.

NA
It's very important you don't beat yourself up over your colossal loss,it won't help you on a long road to recovering from this.
It's good that you're concentrating on the day to day ritual of living and good that you're posting on the forum and talking to friends etc.
But you need professional help to help come to terms with and get you though this terrible thing that has happened to you.
The Sue Ryder foundation maybe able to help,they have professional councillors and are a charity.Also contact your GP ASAP as someone who can also help.
You're among friends here who recognise your pain and will support you in whichever way we can.