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I found the scattering of my father's ashes, in a great location, sadly inadequate as an experience. There was a family group and nobody had words to say. It was a bit like putting out the rubbish, really. Doing it alone might be easier. You will have space to compose your thoughts and say something, perhaps silently, that feels right. Obviously, avoid windy weather, but doing it in the rain might be okay. There is something fresh and cleansing about rain.

Hi,

pwa wrote: ↑10 Sep 2022, 7:27am I found the scattering of my father's ashes, in a great location, sadly inadequate as an experience. There was a family group and nobody had words to say. It was a bit like putting out the rubbish, really. Doing it alone might be easier. You will have space to compose your thoughts and say something, perhaps silently, that feels right. Obviously, avoid windy weather, but doing it in the rain might be okay. There is something fresh and cleansing about rain.

Wise words.
If her family was to attend.
I was fully prepared in making a very short speech just a number of words.
But it will be much simpler on my own, my way.
I didn't get on with her family very well but we never really had a falling out as such.
And I get the feeling I am a constant reminder of her.
I need to give them Space, more than the other way round, I have gone past, just, Tearing my heart out.
That's what time and understanding does.

I doubt the HR person involved deals with this situation frequently and they may well be only acting as intermediary for a pension provider.

I suspect that what they are expecting is an original copy of an extract from the Register of Births, Marriages and Deaths. The "original copy" may sound like a contradiction in terms but it's what is colloquially referred to as a (birth, marriage or) death certificate, normally received when registering one of those events. Extra copies can be obtained at the time of registration, eg if there are various insurance policies involved, so claims can be made immediately, rather than passing one document around them all in turn. That's dealt with by the registrar, not the coroner

When the coroner is involved, various documents may be issued. From what you have posted and AIUI, you are at the stage where the coroner has decided there will be an inquest but that funeral arrangements may go ahead in the meantime. There's more in the link but AIUI this is the relevant bit

Alternatively, the coroner, whether or not a post mortem examination has been ordered and performed, may decide that the duty to investigate does apply and formally opens in court an inquest into the death. At that hearing, the coroner will decide what further investigations, if any, are required, set a date for a pre-inquest review, if required, or set a date for the full inquest hearing. If the body is no longer required, the coroner may issue a Burial Order or Cremation Form 6. (My bold)

https://www.weightmans.com/insights/cor ... n-process/

While, I'm on, I don't think you have mentioned your marital status or whether the deceased left a will. These can affect the situation of what I'll term your in-laws, with my apologies if you already knew

Original certified copies of death certificate can be purchased for nominal sums at the same time as top copy. To buy more later costs more I think. I found 6 insufficient over a few weeks.
Fortuitously I and our 2 children were present at my wife's death, holding her hand. We felt no need to see her body later nor to be present at the scattering of her ashes.
If no will the legal aspects could prove tiresome. Do not act as an executor unless you mean to take that role permanently - once started very difficult to relinquish, but can appoint an "agent".
And ..... look after yourself as well.

If there is a will, the executor would normally be nominated in it and you are pretty much bound by that.

My own layman's view is that you are best acting as executor yourself, when you can get expert help if you need it on specific issues. A professional executor will charge professional fees for doing a professional job, even on those tasks you could do yourself.

With the estates I dealt with I found 3 copies of the death certificate sufficient. Taking them to the bank etc they copied them and returned them immediately. When posting these off they were returned promptly enabling me to send them elsewhere. I was in no rush to sort everything asap. What I found I needed more of was the probate certificates. You need the certified copies so photocopies aren't accepted.
I was the executor for both my Parents and in-laws estates. Probate meant going to court which I did the first time, but subsequently paid a solicitor to do just that bit, as the local court had closed and meant a 100 mile round trip and the solicitor had another office local to the court.

With my apologies, I've realised that I've said you need to register the death with the Registrar, but I didn't cover what to do about that if there's to be an inquest which may take some time.

Get an interim death certificate during the inquest

If you need proof of the death while you wait for the inquest to finish, ask the coroner for an interim death certificate.

https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/when-a ... -a-coroner

I hope somebody like the coroner's officer has helped with this. Whether or no, I'm sorry to be adding to your unhappiness like this

Hi,
OK.
So as far as I can tell.
An interim death cert will do all a final death cert will do after inquest, as for burial - legal stuff - banks etc etc.

Thanks.

Muddling through stuff and it takes along time to sort via phone as some stuff is not registered to me but my partner, so you can/ connot log on, and as soon as you ask questions / attempt change anything, the account is locked / whatever.

Some firms are very good.
I found insurance firms have a death of partner option on the phone line but not the web!

There has got to be a better system for smoothly dealing with this sort of thing.
You would think that this must happen a lot.

Hi,
So you want to swap names on a registration car document.
Even if it's the same address.
You have to buy another tax disc first!
Then they will send you all the old named keeper a cheque Presumably in their name.
So what am I gonna do with that?
How do I pay that check-in.

So basically what happens is DVLA get an extra months Tax I out of you.
The only way out of that is for me to wait to the last day of the month, but even that isn't gonna work is it, okay so I can post date the new tax disc, on the first date of the month, then I won't end up paying an extra months tax?

Unbelievably on the DVLA website they say pass on the document to another person/in the event of death!
Do you think they'll be a better streamlined system than that, like You just take over the tax liability.

I suppose nowadays car dealer is no longer automatically surrender the Tax for a refund but they used to.
This now eliminates that I'm assuming and the old owner gets their tax back the new owner is responsible for tax on the vehicle.

Hi,
I see there's a government page for what to do if someone dies.
https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dieshi,

Well I wouldn't know about that unless I went looking good It?
I'd imagine a lot of people just do nothing, unless there's money involved b
for someone get their hands on.

Hi NA i feel for you. Theres a lot to do and finding help is not allways staightforward. When i lost my parents i was given a booklet published by the DWP explaining what to do. I just checked and see that it has been withdrawn and replaced with an online version. This is what you may have found but heres the link to it https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death.
Stay positive.

Hi,
Well I am 73.5 kgs...............2009 I was over 90. (76 of late and 78 at start of year)

I intended to get my weight down of late anyway.
Resorted to eating high energy foods.
Plus some home cooking from my twin!

Bought seven packets of biscuits last night

NATURAL ANKLING wrote: ↑2 Sep 2022, 8:27am Hi,
Short and to the point.

I kissed my partner goodbye for an evening ride with some pals.
I returned to find her hanging in our garden tree.

I feel I have died a thousand deaths beating myself up about not being there to help when she needed me most.
The day started normal and the small signs of it a planned thing were too subtle for me to notice.
She had been off work and was making a slow recovery from anxiety, had seen gp and was on medication.
She coolly waited for me to leave.
I came home to find some carefully worded notes.............

No words to describe how I feel and how I let her down.
Unexpected and my very worst day of my life.
I am having melt downs regularly every few hours.
I have been talking to a only (my) close friend and her family.
I have reached out to a charity and am waiting to receive a reply / open at 9:00.

I am not looking for answers / sympathy/empathy, just had to write it down for my own self beeing.
Cuts so deep.
I don't think she could handle it the other way round..................... that is the only consulation for me.

Omg I'm so sorry for you, I cant imagine how you must have felt.

Hi,
The list of things legal and non legal goes on forevever, well it seems like that.

So my mobile data is going low because I am out more often......................
So I have that coved now and then theres payment methods....

These are the things that will really floor you, but there is no general plan or easy to follow things that you must / and or need to do.

Even today in this super connected world.

Hi,
Seven and a half weeks on.
I was forced into retaxing my / our car because DVLA needs the person on the reg documet to match the person paying the car tax.
So as I suspected you have to retax the car (Even though its got 9 months to run) and then DVLA refund only complete months.............and you tax car before they refund.............so We paid car tax and then I retax and we/me pay twice for one month
Why?

Anyway the list of things to do in unravelling joint interests in all our finacial affairs, including accounts held by my partner, is never ending.
I am handling ALL affairs to do with my partners passing on.
That way I know its done and I do not get unexpected surprises.
And I managed to reclaim back £1174.49p...................cremation was £ 1175.00p..
So far.
If by now I had done nothing it would be.........zilch..and I would pay the cremation myself.

Doing this has not been that emotional, but if I had done nothing, I would be out of pocket and somewhat more stressed.

Her family, who she thought the world of, and was angry at any critisisum of them by me, have to date not sent a card and for a month now have not contacted me!
I did all the comunication after she passed away.

I took it on myself to handle everything including the Cremation, which I paid for, and I have opted to be executor.
They were not interested in having anything to do with her after she passed.
Were not even interested in details of her cremation/scattering her ashes.
Despite being milionairs offered me no help with cremation costs.


If by law I had choose to do nothing, I could of saved myself all that work, and at no cost to me.
They would have to take the burden of dealing with all that messy work.

I have now intended to have nothing more to do with them...........................I never did for the last 25 years anyway............and I was correct in their souless attitude to their sister.

I am better but I have my moments when I am alone, but frequency is lesser each day and week.

If it were not my old best freinds and my sisters I dont think I would be that sane now.
I am not really that social and a bit of a loner, but have been glad of compassion from my family and freinds, I have not seen any of my family / old freinds for over 20 years, they all live a few miles away.
A stark contrast between familys.
My friends and family contacted me.

I keep going but I am not sure what for, nothing I do has a purpose, all those things normal companions of nearly forty years would have pleasure in are now flat and meaningless.
I can talk about memories without getting too upset but I still stop mid sentance to compose myself now and again.
I contracted a bad cold and then tested positive for covid but am over it now, looking forward to getting back on bike.

It could be much worse and I have much to thank my selfless partner for her generousity, I am not that good and did not deserve her.
We needed each other and survived all those years together.

In less than two months I have managed to sew up 95 % of our affairs.
One of her pensions will come to me (50%) even though we had no legal connection, I expect nothing but am appreciative if I get the smallest of benifits from her lifetime of hard work.

P.S.Still not fixed the spell checker