Cycling UK Forum

Hi NA,

I have only just seen your original post. I can't imagine any situation more difficult and you you have my heart-felt thoughts. As a random stranger, apart from sporadic posts here, I can't help in any way but just know that folk care.

Bob

Hi,
Thanks.

I decided to post this here as it was theruputic for me to write down my thoughts.
Any future post are the same as well as maybe beeing of some use for anyone else.

I am keeping it all together, and today just started to exercise with meaning after a lay off of about a month.
The good news is that my blood pressure is remaining normal even though I normally needed to put in sever hours a week at full effort to keep my BP down.
Thats good as I have been struggling with my BP and medication side effects for over five years now.
I hope that I can return to normal performance, and bad side effects dissapear, so I can get back to my normal self of cycling with comparative ease for 12 - 24 hours and beyond.

So its just me sounding off now and again.

I hope that reading these posts are not too depressing for others.

I need to leave the house once a day, I find it helps and means I do not sink into dark places.

It's good you're getting out and about, but do keep in touch with the outlaws. There feeling lost too and possibly don't know how to handle the situation.

Hi,
In-laws did contact me on WhatsApp a few days ago.
Bit of a surprise, but I was civil etc.
Their parents are on their last legs, and I wouldn't be surprised if one did not make it to Xmas.
The three remaining siblings will probably be facing three family losses in a year.
I am managing to cope.......the pain is still there but I am maintaining normality as best I can.
I struggle to come to terms with what was it all for...............I don't expect to ever have the answers, I continue on as I do, yes I know time is a healer but its still uphill and for the foreseeable future.

NATURAL ANKLING wrote: ↑11 Nov 2022, 10:54am Hi,
In-laws did contact me on WhatsApp a few days ago.
Bit of a surprise, but I was civil etc.
Their parents are on their last legs, and I wouldn't be surprised if one did not make it to Xmas.
The three remaining siblings will probably be facing three family losses in a year.
I am managing to cope.......the pain is still there but I am maintaining normality as best I can.
I struggle to come to terms with what was it all for...............I don't expect to ever have the answers, I continue on as I do, yes I know time is a healer but its still uphill and for the foreseeable future.

Sometimes there are simply no answers and sometimes what answers there are are either incomprehensible or, to our minds at least, illogical. Keep as cheerful as you can and continue to move forwards as best you can - not easy but by far the better of the options.

None can say how they will cope under the circumstances which come as a shock or complete shock to the system.
Though you are tying to manage/cope with daily life I can only assume it has been a tough but brave struggle to make sense of events.
As other posters have pointed out one has reached out by posting on the matter and have had one hopes some good reassuring help by speaking out and talking about it.
I can add little more as by the age of 49 I have lost both my parents and my sister who was 18 months my elder, bereavment takes it's toll on all of us in various ways. My dear mum passed in my late 20's The bereaved just soldier on and muddle through the bad days to see some better days and maybe light at the end of the tunnel.
This Autumn saddened me a little as I took stock to realise it has been 30 years now since my mum passed away from cancer, yet she was still only young at 52.

I doff my hat to you for expressing how you feel and your thoughts, remember the good times you had together and the not so good times, though the latter still count as at the time both of you would have come thru and sorted out any issue together.

Hi,
I have plateaued at the moment.
99% I am ok and maybe 1% of the time when I am on my own its still hard.
Its mostly any memories that were more recent leading up to that day.
Recent pictures........old ones are easier.

I know it gets better with time and I am getting better.

That sort of thing never leaves you just comes back less often in time.

47 years ago I found my dad dead on the floor, I seldom think about him now though recent events and seeing my family for the first time in over twenty years has brough back memories, none of them are painfull.
Normally I would not think of my father more than once a year today, I do remember the date he died, well the day of the year, but would have to work out the year.

I find that I have to go out once a day, it matters not what for, it just settles me.
I can do things and do work not at home, but getting things done for my self which are not necessary is hard work.

Fortunately I am not stuck for cash, this removes that stress.
But with all that money I cant even bring myself to spend it on myself.
It will get better I know, for now I am just going through the motions still.

Thanks for all your comments.

Hi,
I am coping, but still just going through the motions of living day to day.

I decided to contact the in-laws, more bad news...................
The sisters younger brother has suffered a massive life changing stroke at 50 and will require 24 hr help!
He was semi obese and probable the stress of death of his sister and the parents being forced out of their home by social services because of ill health was all to much.
Its possible that four out six family members may well pass on in the period of just one year.
The parents have given up, the two sisters will be really feeling it now.

Because of my loss the sister said she did not contact me, but because I had contacted her she told me.

I admit that the situation the parents and the brother are in do not stress me as we were not close and I had not seen or been in contact for 15 - 20 years.
I can only concentrate on myself.

Being overweight as well as health issues also affects mobility............................and its oh so common for a down hill spiral....

Towards the end of last year a friend of many decades died relatively suddenly, he did have cancer but had valiantly fought it to the point where it just seemed ongoing … and then it got him. I remember him very kindly and, like my parents, he is now amongst that group of people that I can no longer see just now but have fond memories of.

Excess weight and mobility issues get so many people. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and so has my Mrs, we’re conscious of the need to help ourselves but often others either don’t seem to understand that or find themselves unable to do the necessary. Life’s not always easy and I sure don’t know all the answers, but trying to keep a PMA and a long term view does help. Keep smiling, make the best of what we have and think about the relative much that we have … easy said but at times rather hard to do.

The in-laws, well I’m not a hard hearted person but one might say that they chose a path in life that didn’t involve you and that therefore their current problems shouldn’t be yours. On the other hand you could choose to help them, but I think that you have more than enough of your own concerns to manage and sometimes it’s better, all round, not to become involved.

Good luck and we’ll done on managing this difficult time.

Hi,
Its easy for me to help others at the moment as it keeps me occupied, and that's what I have been trying to fill time with.
I have offered my help just the other day and after my partners death to in-laws.

But its difficult to accept help sometimes, I find that myself, many have said to me We are here if you need help, the only help I actually need is phycological.

I am not sure at the moment that the counselling I get every two weeks is getting me anywhere, they just listen mostly, and I just yap about what I am doing.

I keep saying that I have hit a plateau, but its a liveable one.
I still struggle to do anything for myself despite having many things I can do, hobbies house repairs, bikes to build and renovate.
I am sure when the weather gets better, I will pick up, I have managed two cycle rides this week, weather is somewhat restricting at the moment. I am just off in a mo to do a walk, 5.5 miles along beaches, night-time means quite and no dogs / people to hinder me, people and crowds don't actually phase me at all.

Planning a break to USA/France might help.My friend lost someone and will go away in summer.