Cycling UK Forum

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:16pm

Carlton green wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 8:38pm

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 8:07pm This is the first wedding I've been to where guests are expected to pay for drinks. Normally it's the bride's father who pays.

It’s simple really. You’ve been invited to an event where the host is offering you hospitality on their terms. The last wedding that I went to didn’t have a bar at all but rather waiters circulating with glasses of wine for anyone who wanted one. I’m no expert but I can’t recall going to a wedding with a free bar.

The wedding will have cost someone a right packet and a free bar is a blank cheque on top of an already painfully expensive day. If you like the couple then respect them and your host by putting your hand in your pocket and paying for your own beer - whether that be ten pints or one - and if you’re only there for the free beer and food then should you really be there?

It's not that. I just think it odd to invite people to an event and then expect them to pay. I certainly wouldn't.

I think that I understand your cultural position and, of course, our own particular values and expectations aren’t necessarily the same as other people’s. The bottom line is that the host isn’t in charge of people’s use of a free bar or indeed equitable use of a bar with a lump sum limit on it; some folk will be asking for another free pint every five minutes, and get rat *rsed, whilst another person has one coke for two hours.

Venues, guests and cultural expectations vary, and so does what’s possible. I’d want to ensure that every guest did have something to drink whilst at the same time ensuring that some folk neither spoilt the event nor land me with an excessive bar bill - life’s full of compromises.

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 5:54pm I've been invited to a wedding, taking place tomorrow. Just been told the bar will be charging guests for drinks. Never heard of such a thing before - anyone else come across it?

Yes

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 5:54pm I've been invited to a wedding, taking place tomorrow. Just been told the bar will be charging guests for drinks. Never heard of such a thing before - anyone else come across it?

At our wedding, there was no bar at the registry office. Afterwards we urged our guests to repair to a nearby favourite pub where we had arranged with the landlord to have a substantial buffet laid on. Drinks were from the pub's bar on their usual terms. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

ossie wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:47pm

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:16pm
It's not that. I just think it odd to invite people to an event and then expect them to pay. I certainly wouldn't.

If you are invited to the 'reception' then wine is included on the table. ( I'm actually paying for the wine for my sons wedding this summer so expect to be several grand light) however the bar is a separate entity completely. It's not odd, its completely normal in my circles , perhaps not in yours. If you're stepping out of your comfort zone in having to order a drink then just grin and bare it, painful as it is they will surely be thankful of your presence.

It's not painful or uncomfortable I just think it's wrong.

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 11:39pm It's not painful or uncomfortable I just think it's wrong.

Then don't go, or go and don't drink.
Depending on the number of guests and how much they're likely to drink, it could be a hefty bar bill. Don't assume every bride has a father in a position to pick it up, or that they consider it the best use of resources. A paid bar isn't unusual, my limited experience has been it's more common than not, not just weddings, several other functions where wine with a meal is provided but not the drinks while partying afterwards.

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 11:39pm

ossie wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:47pm

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:16pm
It's not that. I just think it odd to invite people to an event and then expect them to pay. I certainly wouldn't.

If you are invited to the 'reception' then wine is included on the table. ( I'm actually paying for the wine for my sons wedding this summer so expect to be several grand light) however the bar is a separate entity completely. It's not odd, its completely normal in my circles , perhaps not in yours. If you're stepping out of your comfort zone in having to order a drink then just grin and bare it, painful as it is they will surely be thankful of your presence.

It's not painful or uncomfortable I just think it's wrong.

The ‘straw poll’ here would suggest that your host’s actions are quite normal and certainly not wrong … Of course you can think it in some way wrong, but maybe your expectations aren’t realistic - perhaps outdated - and you’re getting concerned when there is no need to be. Treat yourself to a couple of pints and enjoy what the host provides for you.

I have only been to one wedding where there was a 'free' bar. As expected one or two didn't limit how much they drank and as a result a scuffle broke out and spoiled the fun.

Why anyone should think it's normal to have a free bar I don't know. Maybe It's because I'm not rich and just wouldn't be able to afford the bill.
When my eldest daughter got married they paid for the reception but I supplied the Champagne and my ex paid for the wedding car.

I was asked by a friend to pick up the father of the bride after the reception and get him to his hotel. The chap it turned out was a millionaire and had spent north of £40000 on the wedding. His daughter met her ex-boyfriend at the reception and left her husband to live with him six months later.
I think marriage means very little, couples stay together or split regardless of a bit of paper or how much gets spent.

ossie wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:47pm If you're stepping out of your comfort zone in having to order a drink then just grin and bare it ......

Here, here! Shurely a drunk flashing his parts whilst gurning a leery grin will be ejected from the event or even arrested, despite the general merriment all about and perhaps at what the baring reveals?

Cugel, sober as a judge.

roubaixtuesday wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 10:34pm

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 5:54pm I've been invited to a wedding, taking place tomorrow. Just been told the bar will be charging guests for drinks. Never heard of such a thing before - anyone else come across it?

Yes

Me too.

Not sure how it's happened, but I seem to have attended almost the full range of wedding sizes and budgets. [Guess i'm just popular across all demographics??]. Including a massive Hindu wedding, and a lovely small CofE do, where the budget was slashed by lots of guests contributing things like the cake(s), table decorations, sewing skills etc etc.

Anyway: to make pete75 feel better, a couple of those DID feature an ALL-NIGHT FREE BAR* !!!!
So they do happen

But note that it was always common for a few guests to insist on buying their own drinks (apart from the toasting fizz).

Great.Go further for weddings scrap (except for family) useless presents and give cash.The couple can invite more people and do not have to worry about the cost of the wedding.
**************************************
I ride Brompton and a 100% British Vintage

I come from a large family.I have 40 cousins,all older than me.I have been to most of their weddings and a fair few of their kids weddings plus friends weddings over the last 35 years and have never had a free bar! It just isn't something you expect at a wedding!A glass of fizz to toast the couple, yes, free ale all night, no!

Carlton green wrote: ↑17 Feb 2023, 7:33am

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 11:39pm

ossie wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 9:47pm

If you are invited to the 'reception' then wine is included on the table. ( I'm actually paying for the wine for my sons wedding this summer so expect to be several grand light) however the bar is a separate entity completely. It's not odd, its completely normal in my circles , perhaps not in yours. If you're stepping out of your comfort zone in having to order a drink then just grin and bare it, painful as it is they will surely be thankful of your presence.

It's not painful or uncomfortable I just think it's wrong.

The ‘straw poll’ here would suggest that your host’s actions are quite normal and certainly not wrong … Of course you can think it in some way wrong, but maybe your expectations aren’t realistic - perhaps outdated - and you’re getting concerned when there is no need to be. Treat yourself to a couple of pints and enjoy what the host provides for you.

Maybe my views are outdated but I live in a part of the country where traditional style weddings are still popular. Went to three others last summer and all what some here would regard as old fashioned. Church followed by reception at the bride's parental home, morning suits for the men and fine hats and dresses for the women.

The one today was ok actually but I still think it wrong to invite guests to a social event you're holding and not offer them full hospitality. It's not something I would do. This applies at all levels, for instance if you invite a dozen friendsto your birthday meal in a restaurant I,as the host, will pay.

If the reception is at the brides home then you would expect free drinks.If at a hotel or venue then no.
What is a morning suit?

Maillot Rouge wrote: ↑17 Feb 2023, 8:44pm If the reception is at the brides home then you would expect free drinks.If at a hotel or venue then no.
What is a morning suit?

Google is your friend.

pete75 wrote: ↑16 Feb 2023, 5:54pm I've been invited to a wedding, taking place tomorrow. Just been told the bar will be charging guests for drinks. Never heard of such a thing before - anyone else come across it?

Yes, including the two weddings that I've paid for.

I paid for fizz on arrival at the reception, plus wine on the tables. What guests got up to at the bar was up to them. It MIGHT be a regional thing, but this is how just about every wedding that I've ever been to, has been arranged.

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar.