Cycling UK Forum

Think of the fun you could have in the re Cycle bin.

Sorry sorry I'll go away

If Microsoft made bicycles, taking a turn down the wrong cycle path would make your bike try to sell you viagra.

"It looks like you're trying to ride a bike. Would you like help learning how to pedal?"

When Bill Gates popped his clogs, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court.
Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven’s many fine parks, when he ran into an elderly bearded man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
“That is a nice suit, my friend,” said Gates. “Where did you get it?”
“Actually,” the man replied, “I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I’ve been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces.”
“Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?” asked Gates.
“No,” said his new friend, “Actually, I was captain of the Titanic.”
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stormed off to find St. Peter.
Cornering St. Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, “How could you give me a paltry 20 room house, while you’re showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the man who sailed the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!”
“Yes, but we use Windows,” replied Peter, “and the Titanic only crashed once.”

I assume a Linux bike would be sleek and fast. And an Apple Mac bike?

For what it's worth I use linux (Ubuntu) 100% now, not touched Windows in 4 years!

An AppleMac bike would look gorgeous, be totally rustproof, and completely sealed against the weather and muck. It would be easily upgrade-able and a joy to own.

But would cost a fortune!

BrianInnes wrote:I assume a Linux bike would be sleek and fast. And an Apple Mac bike?

A Mac bike would probably have automatic transmission, be self-cleaning, and have self-inflating tyres.

Microsoft Bike(tm) would auto-update its components every now and then. Occasionally an update would make Bike(tm) unsuitable for your favourite stretch of road for a reason that only became apparent when you checked the Knowledge Base or posted a cry for Help on a peer-support forum. There you'd find instructions telling you to use another route but if you insisted on riding your favourite you'd need to hack the Transmission(tm) to manually add or remove teeth from various sprockets and chainwheels.

Geoff

Well there seems to be a consensus that M has made itself in to a sort of necessary evil - something to gripe about when the weather palls.
But how about turning this question on its head?
Which bike manufacturer would produce the nicest computer - and why?

A linux bike would work beautifully, but almost no one would understand how to ride it.

A Microsoft bike would stop every so often and you'd need to completely rebuild it or go back the your start point to get it to go again.

A linux bike would allow you to customise the frame size and geometry to your exact specification, and come with 5 example geometries, but to perform this customisation you would first have to read and understand the brazing Howto manual. The brazing Howto manual would be well written.

7_lives_left wrote:A linux bike would allow you to customise the frame size and geometry to your exact specification, and come with 5 example geometries, but to perform this customisation you would first have to read and understand the brazing Howto manual. The brazing Howto manual would be well written.

I was going to write something similar - you can get on and ride straight away, but to get the most out of it you'd need to learn how to weld a frame together. In order to clean and maintain it you'd just have to say "sudo apt-get service".

A Microsoft bike would crash if you put any none microsoft parts on it.